Ah...it seems so long ago...
that my heart
frosted and windblown
dragged heavily
with the weight
of life…
but now...
joyous with the blossoms of spring…
with new life
I am recalled
light of heart
free of soul
I move forth speedily
into a future
I cannot see
but yet know…
reflections...
I am the Yielding…
K’un…Yin…water…
Receptive Darkness of Being
the Feminine Aspect of this
Holy Collaboration…
I obey…
I follow…
I open and receive the
LIGHT
light and dark...yang and yin...the holy marriage...
I release the whole fantasy of what it means to be a human on planet earth…
I let go of the dream of human power…
I release my illusions and delusions about reality
and turn over the reins of this life to
Whatever the Source is from Which
my being flows…
I surrender
And in this Holy Surrender
the sun blazes…
My life unfolds…effortlessly…
Peace…joy…comfort and immediate answers
to mind-numbing
energy-depleting
challenges
make themselves apparent
magic...
The living of life becomes magical
no struggle…no fight…
no pushing against the forces of Creation…
Resolutions unfold like the petals of a rose…
The solution is contained within the very same seed
that houses the obstacle…
Like the rose and its thorns…
Holy Voodoo...
Reality shifts…
Understanding and Clarity take hold…
the world you’ve been conditioned into believing real…
the one in which the ego believes itself the source of power
gives way to the Invisible Realm…
to that elusive realm of Spirit…that place of Holy Voodoo…
And life becomes a reflection of
the Inner Fire…
that brilliant ray of Inner Light and Love that is
Creation Itself…
And you begin to know yourself as a channel…
clear and unsullied through which
Creation…creates…
My little One…
I am so sorry
I forgot about you
Forgot that you are always with me
that you are a part of me
a self within this Self that I AM
You’ve been feeling frightened…
helpless…
I know…
hey, little girl...i'm here...
Well, no more, my love
I am here and I am strong and courageous
There are no boogeymen who can get me
I am safe
And I am your protector
I am not your parents, no…
I am nothing like your violent, abusive, alcoholic father
who terrorized you and your brother and your mother
for all of those long, frightening years…
hey, little one...you are safe now...
I am not your abused child-mother
who had not the inner or outer resources
to protect herself…
much less her two violated children
I am strong for I have
the strength of God flowing through
the blood…sinews…soul
of this body-mind
I am courageous because I know…
from living it…
that no harm comes to me
when I am consciously cocooned in
GRACE
Come, little one…
walk by my side
Place your hand in mine
and thus we walk together
you and I and the Christ-Spirit
Who walks by my side
clasping my hand…
At times lifting me up
to carry me over danger
We now have safe passage
you and I
through this
man-created world…
Come, my love…
give me your hand
Be at peace…
I gotcha!
perseverance...
Hanging On a Meat Rack in Hell
My last blog? February 2, 2012. And where have I been for more than a month? Hanging on a meat rack in hell!! Closeted away with all of my hidden fears, shadow selves and yucky, dark ugliness hidden in the corners of my heart. Face to face with my denials. The walls of all my false assumptions and constructs ruthlessly ripped down…exposing me to rooms within the temple of my being, of whose existence I was totally ignorant. Every ugly, feared circumstance and event bursting onto the stage of my life with a vengeance. Challenges at every turn. Dumb, blind, disabled.
But I hung on. I persevered, clinging steadfastly to that invisible hand that reached out to me from nowhere. I followed the path of my two feet as I moved blindly along in the darkness—sensing by faith alone the light before me. I refused to let that fundamental Fear which inhabits the very gut of humanity shake me loose from the Truth of my Being. And thus, I have walked out of hell back into the light of this glorious, pre-spring afternoon. Once again, I am free. I step gingerly into a new phase of this process of initiation. I move step by careful step…day by day back out into the world created by humanity. Ever cautious of remaining in it but not of it.
My journey to the underworld was not without great lessons and benefits. I now know without a doubt and from personal experience and not hearsay, that as long as this human-ego-personality-self continues to move through this third-dimensional realm totally committed to the authentic Driver of this flesh vehicle; with my heart and will surrendered to the Oars-Woman who rows this boat down the river of life—this life of mine shall unfold smoothly—from the inside out—with fewer side trips to Hades.
It is also becoming crystal clear that the hell in which I found myself hanging was created by my own thoughts and emotions. I am seeing that we create our individual and collective hells from an invisible, mysterious, obedient to our mental and emotional demands “God-Stuff.” As I grow in understanding and acceptance of what is—whatever it is—regardless of how I perceive it—all things ultimately work out for my highest good and the highest good of all whose lives intersect with mine. What is needed from me is simply acceptance, patience and a persevering steadfastness of spirit—in the face of all fear and doubt.
And so, I move forward this day consciously generating and discharging into my world, strong waves of gratitude and love. This I do every single time I become aware of thinking a thought and/or feeling a feeling. For thought-forms and feelings (i.e., e-motions or energy-in-motion) are the building blocks of our third dimensional, human reality. Thus, I am becoming a co-creator or facilitator in what is, in essence, a Divine—for lack of another word—process or experience of being in a human form within this “space” that we’ve named planet earth.
By offering myself up as a clear, empty instrument or vessel of so-called Divine Energy, I become one with IT—separated from this humanly constructed, fear-based reality—and in a constant and conscious state of AT-ONE-MENT.
Thus I wait in patient anticipation to see what glory unfolds next in, as and through this bubble-in-the Cosmic-Soup-that “i” am.
I’ve found my beat
One day out…
The next day in…
One day in the world with its
cares and tears…
The next day…
For me…
My body…my mind…my heart…my soul…
My healing
One hour out followed by one hour in…alone…
quiet…still…connected to
My Source of being…
One moment out–the next in
One with Life…Self…God…
out in out in out in out in out in out in...
Like my very breath…
I’ve found my rhythm
I’ve found my beat…
I am filled with something so grand
I cannot put a name to it
More splendid than a rainbow
A joy embedded so deeply
Within my heart…
Within my being…
Radiating throughout my body
And as it passes through me
It leaves in its wake
A rush of deep gratitude…
A love that spills from my eyes…
I send it to you
Do you feel it?
Right there…radiating from your heart
Pass it on…
There's a fog upon the land...
Sometimes there’s a fog upon the land
and one cannot see one’s way
clearly…
Then an opening appears…
Getting through the fog...
And one can find one’s way through…
Finding safe passage...
Home free...
Self-Reflection...
Looking within…
Thinking about self…
Reflecting…
Navel gazing…
Wondering…
Rejoicing…
Gratefully being…
Snow falling…
Winter…
Beauty…
Loving being here-now…
Loving being me here-now…
Happy living in interesting times…
Finding it a blessing and not a curse…
Ain’t life just crazy GRAND?
Power-Up!
It’s been such a long time since I’ve had the urge to “blog.” I feel as if I am returning from a long voyage.
I was passing one of my collages this morning. It hangs on the wall above the altar in my meditation room that I call my “mojo” altar. That’s where I put symbols of those things I desire to see manifested in this reality. Putting an object, note or image on this altar is simply a way of turning it over to the Power within. It’s a giving-up of the object of desire to THAT from which springs all third-dimensional form.
I probably pass that collage at least fifty times a day. Today, for the first time in years, I saw it. I was compelled to pick up my camera and photograph it. I was carried back to the year of its creation: 1998. The year I quit the last of a long series of well-paying, part-time jobs that I hated and only took because I believed that a job was (1) protection against poverty (2) the only way to generate income/money. I then rededicated myself–for the one-hundredth time at least–to my Muse: that Indwelling Intelligence that knows why this “I” had journeyed to the flesh and the way to fulfillment of my purpose in being.
I looked at the collage I had created back then with a kind of appreciation…gratitude for the woman I was then. I took it all in; section by section; image by image, and realized that the woman I was then, was calling into being those aspects of Feminine Power represented by the words and images she had chosen.
It has, indeed, been a long and arduous journey from then to now. However, I am back. And, I have returned WHOLE. All fragmented parts of Self have been reintegrated and are now functioning as ONE–under the direction of the Great Mystery that I call Divine Power–to which I have totally and fully surrendered.
drinking from the SOURCE
whirling with the ENERGY
breaking apart...re-ordered...re-formed...
fired-up! shattered! lost in the ENERGY
re-integration...settling...
new aspects of self...shifting...adjusting...
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