one woman's journey to wholeness…

Posts tagged ‘spiritual transformation’

Rainy Days And Sundays…

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Poder Feminina Africana*  – Photo by Toni Roberts

always wake me up!

*African Feminine Power

For One Human To Attack Another Is…

 self-mutilation

Reacting VS Responding…

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Yemaya At Work – Photo by Toni Roberts

Today

   For the first time…

      I saw the choice so clearly:

I can continue

Reacting to negative people…events and circumstances

From my place of

   OLD…UNHEALED…EMOTIONAL WOUNDS…

In that so

   HUMAN WAY…

   or…

I can rise above the residue of pain from events long past

And

CHOOSE

 to lift up my

   CONSCIOUSNESS…

ALLOWING

An

   EVER-PRESENT…

   APPROPRIATE…

And

HEALING RESPONSE

To

Unfold

Naturally

   On ITS own…

    In

   As

And

      Through…

 My every

   Thought…

   Word…

   Action

Today…In A Flash Of Realization…I Understood That…

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Beloved River – Photo by Toni Roberts

 

LIFE

is not a

   COMPETITION…

but an

INTRICATE DANCE

of

   INTERDEPENDENCE…

Today I Find MySelf…

flowers two steps of new dawn patricia bolivar

Photo Credit: Patricia Bolivar; 7/9/16 Steps of New Dawn Foundation, New Rochelle, NY

in that place of

BEING

towards which

my entire life

has been a

MOVEMENT

New Year…New Life…New Way of Being…

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(photo by Toni Roberts)

I spent so many years of my life

turned outward

looking to the world for a way out of the

misery

of

existence…

searching outside of

Self

for the answers…

      for the solutions to life’s dilemmas…

   another job…

   in the classroom…

   out of the classroom…

   to the corporate world…

 no!

the non-profits!

back and forth up and down round and round

until finally

battered

beaten

bruised

   knocked down…but not out…

by stage 3 breast cancer

   I gave up…

   gave in…

surrendered

to

WHATEVER IT IS

THAT

CAUSED ME INTO

BEING

   in the first place…

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(photo by Toni Roberts)

  and since then…

IT and i

   have been caught up in a loving embrace…

totally and completely

   AT-ONE…

 

i have relinquished the lead

and now follow that

   Inner Directive…

   right out of the box of the past…

into a new year

a new life

   a new way of being

Happy 2016 to one and all!

Journal Entry: July 22, 2011

Arise...

Journal Entry: July 22, 2011

The temperature index range today is 106 to 112 degrees, so I know where my ass will be for the second day in a row. It’s even too hot at night to go out walking. Guess I’ll continue cleaning the apartment for exercise. I’ll walk around the house a lot—like my mother used to do—from room to room all night long. What a mad woman and no one to help her. All she had was her job and her money—that was her Savior.

I do have compassion for her now. How great her suffering must have been all of her life—from the age of eight. And no useful help; not the rich inner life that I have always had or trained outside help like psychotherapy; or the many support groups from whom I’ve benefitted through the years. I spent most of my adult life first recognizing, then accepting and owning my wounds; and then finally doing something about them. I still am involved in what appears to be a lifelong process of healing and growth. This very act of journal writing is part of “doing the work,” clearing the passageway; purifying the vehicle the instrument through which the Creation continues to unfold…

I am so grateful for this sacred time in which to turn one hundred percent of my attention…my life energy…to my passions; to the callings of my heart. I have ceased the years-long writing and re-writing of my novel. I have kissed the ghosts of those old characters good-bye and have moved on. I completed a short story; the first in more than twenty years. I’ve entered my writing and photography into competition and am actively researching online markets for my completed short story—the first of many lined up in consciousness waiting to be heard and told.

I now give very little of my attention and energy to the never-ending stream of events, circumstances and people in my external world. I am alive again. I am free. I am blessed. I am aware of being part of a world in healing; of a reversal of human focus and expenditure of energy. I am consciously connected to the One Energy—which, I am learning is a powerful, benevolent, intelligent creative force available to everyone to be used as one chooses. It comes down to the one choice we humans have—whether or not we realize it—and that sole choice is between “God and the mammon”Spirit or FleshInner or Outer

Finally (or is it once again!), I find myself at that crossroad of choice and I make the only intelligent choice. This time I’m sticking to it!

May the Force be with my Bertha butt!

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