one woman's journey to wholeness…

Posts tagged ‘reality’

Chasing The Dream…

019

River Gazing – Photography by Toni Roberts

 

Even when one does not understand how the disparate parts of one’s life fit together…

One must follow that Inner Directive…that quietpersistentunrelenting Inner Voice that urges one onward… 

Despite the fact that it might make no Earthly Sense for one to continue along one’s chosen Path

 It is then…when one is most filled with Doubt…that one must press forward…that one must persevere…without Self-judgment…and despite overwhelming Fear

One presses on…following the Path that the Soul has chosen…and moves forward slowlypatiently…with FaithPurposeEnduranceCourage…and Perseverance

 One continues to press forward as if Confusion is the Dream

And the Dream one chases…is the Reality 

For are we not…indeed…the very vehicles through which…

The Dream becomes…

Reality…?

Toni Roberts

 

http://toniroberts.imagekind.com

https://www.facebook.com/gaiadaughters

 

It Is The Letting Go…

pencil drawings 019

Surrender – Pencil Drawing/Photo by Toni Roberts

of all that one holds as

      TRUTH…

and

   REALITY

it is the learning to be

   IN…

but not

   OF…

this

MAN-MADE

world…

it is the

TOTAL

SURRENDER

to that which one cannot

touch

taste

smell

or

   see

and can only

hear

as a faint

echo

within one’s

   HEART

these are but a

sprinkling

of the

difficulties

one encounters

upon the

JOURNEY

to

   WHOLENESS

so be ye of strong

SPIRIT

and great

COURAGE

as ye embark upon this

   SACRED

INNER

   PATH

 

What I Know For Sure…At Least In This Moment…

Photo by Toni Roberts

Photo by Toni Roberts

i will never again

be knocked off-center

by anything

Photo by Toni Roberts

Photo by Toni Roberts

I experience

in this 3rd dimension of

REALITY

Photo by Toni Roberts

Photo by Toni Roberts

   because…

Photo by Toni Roberts

Photo by Toni Roberts

all that I perceive

is

   self-created…

therefore

and

   henceforth

i shall be most cautious and discerning

about that which i entertain

in

thought

word

or

   deed

Toni Roberts’ Artwork and Photography May Be Viewed & Purchased at:

http://www.cafepress.com/DaughtersofGaia

http://www.cafepress.com/orishatreasures

http://www.fineartamerica.com/art/all/toni+roberts/all

http://toniroberts.imagekind.com

On Remaining Steadfast Before The Lies Of Reality…

Photo by Toni Roberts

Photo by Toni Roberts

sitting here at my window altar…

remembering the words of a wise and kind Yoga teacher

spoken to me in compassion and commiseration

way back in another lifetime…

he, too, had received and responded to

a message from his soul

in the form of

Cancer

“STEADFASTNESS”

he cautioned

“No matter how bad things get

we must cling fast to the

   TRUTH

and the

   LIGHT…

Which

   we are…”

and so

here-now

as I sit mesmerized by the beauty that unfolds before my gaze

   I push on

   STEADFAST…

continuing to believe

the whisperings of my soul

those inner voices that speak

unbelievable

TRUTHS

in the face of the

Lies

of

this

   reality…

   LIES…

 

appearing

so

   real…

Catching Glimpses of Reality…

Photo by Toni Roberts

Photo by Toni Roberts

When I stay present

In this now moment of

Time

   And listen inwardly…

   The “Curtains of Heaven” part…

And I catch a momentary glimpse of

   Reality

Flaunt your Goddess status!

http://www.cafepress.com/DaughtersofGaia

Reclaim the Divine Feminine!

http://www.witchesandpagans.com/sagewoman-blogs/daughtersofgaia.html

Revelation III…

energy vortex...

energy vortex…

I am learning to accept myself as

an energy vortex…

that is both

receiver

and

sender…

an awakened consciousness

slowly coming back

online

a creator

creating form in the 3-D world

according to the

frequencies emitted

by my individual consciousness...

I am learning that this energy system

that

I am

needs constant care and attention

in the forms of

stillness

silence

inner focus

and ever-constant

self

examination…

I am learning that it is my

right

and

duty

to design and co-create

my life…

I am learning that  it is my obligation to humanity

to cease contributing personal vibrations of

powerlessness

and

fear

into the mass thought-form

and to utilize the unlimited, neutral

field of potential energy

in which we

live

move

and

have our being

to create the world in which I desire to live…

I am learning to rise above my ego-personality and its fear-based needs

in order to fulfill a greater need:

a Cosmic need…

a Cosmic fulfillment of

I know not what…?

However–

I am also learning that I came here-now

uncoerced

and in agreement

to play the exact role that I am playing

in

ITS

fulfillment…

 

More Gratitude and Insights…

the miracle of each new day…

I’m at my window altar in a state of gratitude: I have a roof over my head; central air-conditioning; good food in my belly; clean, oxygenated water to drink; supplements, fresh fruit; organic chicken wings thawing out in the kitchen for the meal I’ll prepare when I get hungry again. Does it get any better? Can it get any better in this one moment of peace and fulfillment of my immediate needs?

Perhaps that is precisely what I need to learn by practice: staying in the NOW–in the one and only moment in which I am acutely aware of having all that I need for fullness of contentment and joy. If I move one second–one millimeter “ahead” into a “future,”I then experience deprivationlack...being in need of

flowers growing in the land of imagination…

So…therefore…if my sense of lack…of not having my needs met…is experienced only when I allow my mind/imagination to wander from the PRESENT NOW MOMENT into a “future time“: a non-three-dimensional space-time that only exists in my mind-imagination, then, the very sense of lack or need that I experience is too an illusion…as illusionary as the non-existent future created by my mental projections.

the intersecting worlds of mind-imagination…

at the border…

And so, today I make a conscious choice to discipline my mind-imagination, keeping it focused in the HERE-NOW; for the HERE-NOW  is the only reality of existence. I now choose to maintain a constant “frame of mind” that is focused on inner listening…on the goings-on of the internal world. It takes an almost superhuman effort to resist the fascination…the addiction to what is happening in the external world. It is with great effort that I will remain vigilant, roping in my forever wandering mind-imagination and returning it Home.

I am beginning to get a sense of how the mind-imagination…human consciousness–individually and collectively– creates a whole “universe” outside of where we truly exist…

There’s more to come…I sense it just at the border…

Awakening…Gratitude…

awakening…

It began with guilt. I could not summon up the energy–the will–to go out into this oppressive,  New York-in-August-heat to visit my ninety-two year old; “Alzheimer-ed” mother.

I do wish to do right by her instead of just being what she deserves–what she has sown.

Found myself forgiving her–again–for all of those things real and imagined that I’m still holding against her thus preventing the full influx of God Power.

I forgive you, mother. God forgives you. Forgive yourself and thus release your troubled soul–freeing it to journey back HOME where we shall surely meet again.

And in the next lifetime–should there be another lifetime for each or either of us–let us come together in peace, tolerance and love…

I release us both  from all that came before this awakening…

I release us to the Love of God.

celebration of gratitude…

I am so thankful that I am not the boss of this life

The I that I AM takes back control from the frightened, conditioned Ego…

This Ego that refuses to accept…to submit to Something Higher than Itself…

This Ego that has assigned Itself the role of directing  human consciousness

This Ego Who, with false Pride and Iron Hand maintains the illusion of personal control

 

Good-bye Pride…

Adios, Ego…

I bid you both adieu

As I bow down before

The Anointed One

Whom I am here to serve

As holy instrument and

Divine vehicle of Love…

An unsullied vessel through which

peace, light and healing may flow…

Blessing this life I call mine

Plus the lives of all…

In and out of the flesh

Whose energy touches mine

 

I hereby release all the deceptions, fear-based beliefs and

Conditioning of this world as I slowly and gratefully awaken to

Truth and Reality

Hard Lessons of This Path

new horizons...

Journal Entry: July 25, 2011

Hard Lessons of This Path I’ve Chosen to Tread

I find myself at a place of great struggle to continue to submit my human will to Divine Will or the Will of Something that is greater than my needy, greedy, fearful, and filled with earthly desires human will. It ain’t easy! But then, “they” say if the Path were easy, more would tread it—or something like that. This Path I’ve chosen is one of isolation, fear and doubt yet Something keeps me pushing forward towards the Light. There is now present an inner certainty that has moved beyond mere belief into a deep visceral knowing.

I am learning to use consciousness—my mind—my thinking, reasoning capabilities. That has been my major weak point. I have always moved directly from the realm of emotions and feelings into action. God-forbid my allowing my mind or powers of reasoning to intervene. I now find myself able to maintain that state of Divine Tension: that period of extreme discomfort while waiting in the void; in the emptiness and uncertainty that precedes acting from the highest wisdom and love.

I find myself somewhat of a participating observer in what is still—surprisingly—very much my life. In fact, this changing life that I am living becomes daily more of a reflection of my deepest heart and will. I am increasingly more able to release everyday concerns and fears; to release this beingness that I am to the in-breath—the inhalation of Life—and then allowing—the out-breath—the exhalation to become the forms, events and experiences of everyday existence.

I am having to accept that I am not in charge of what is being created through my human beingness. Nor am I in a position to see—to even guess the who? When? Why? Where? And how? of the path unfolding before me. I tread a path of patience, perseverance and continued learning at the inner Altar of Knowledge.

I am finding that this great Purpose which moves me to action is of far greater importance in the overall scheme of things than my individual plans, needs and desires. I am devoted to this Purpose, this Calling of mind/Mind, heart/Heart and will/Will to a higher vibratory level of being. I will follow It in the midst of all and any human circumstances, challenges and difficulties. The glamour of the third dimension is losing its allure. I stand at the brink of a new way of being human.

“Conversations with God” II 10/12-14/07

time for deep communing...

“Conversations with God,” II: Journal Entries—10/12/07 – 10/14/07

10/12/07

Toni

You know what, God; all of this cancer information is a bit much. It’s as if everyone is afraid of cancer. Like it’s this BIG SCARY THING. I am not afraid of it. I think I’m more afraid of putting chemicals in my body but then everyone has me spooked about what will happen to me if I don’t! What do I do, Lord?

I know in the end I will follow my own heart. If I take chemo, it will be a fear-based decision. But I’m afraid not to take it. What should I do, Lord? All things being what they are, what makes best sense? But I actually don’t know how things really are. I only know what they appear to be. And we are told to ignore appearances, for appearances or physical reality is but a reflection, a three-dimensional representation of the beliefs, emotions, etc., that we hold in consciousness…What say You?

Immediate Inner Response:

At this moment, TR, you do not have the decision to make. It is not time yet. You will see Dr. S. on Monday and he will give you the facts from his viewpoint or perspective. You will make decisions as you go along, remembering that chemo will not kill you if it’s not your time to go; and believe me, child, you still have much left to do in this lifetime. Fear not! Just continue enjoying each and every day of your life as you are doing now. Do not worry about tomorrow. Stay in the NOW—in the present. Make decisions as the time for making them unfolds before you.

10/14/07

Toni

What do I really, really want?

The direction and tutelage of my Divine Soul; to no longer live by the decisions of my mind-personality-ego but to permit my life to unfold day by day, step by step from that inner place of knowing; knowing that all of my needs are met even before I am aware of what they are.

1:43 p.m.

Phew! Overdid it again. Boy do I overestimate my physical strength. Bought too many things; the bags were too heavy; won’t do that again. There is a huge difference between walking around your apartment and walking in the street and shopping and carrying a load of groceries home. From now on I will limit my outdoor trips to the bench where I’ll sit in the sunshine!

4:10 p.m.

Feeling so sad. Lonely. Down. Bored. Woman here—the aide. She’s done all of her work already; in just 1 ½ hours. She now has another 1 ½ hour to go. Wish she could leave early so that I could be alone for the rest of the day. But she has to “clock-out” by telephone; won’t get paid for the three hours if she doesn’t put the time in. And so, I have to baby sit the home health aide.

When did the sadness begin? It was right after I spoke to R and J. J had R call me from the park. He had told her that I had undergone surgery. I only confirmed to her that it was serious, that I was healing but wouldn’t be back to drumming until next summer. That made me sad. I so miss drumming in the park.

Also felt low when I got back from shopping earlier and had to come to terms with the reality of my physical condition; had to accept the fact that recovery and healing will be a slow process; that Speedo Toni has to slow down.

What am I to be doing while my body is healing, God?

Immediate Inner Response:

Understand that this is a long journey. You will not be healed and up and about and running the streets in a month or even in two or three months. This is a process. And you have been stilled despite yourself. You understand that the stillness that is required of you now, could not have been achieved without something major knocking you down and putting you out of the game. You would not have just stopped on your own. I know it and you know it. So, be still, my love. Allow your own divine soul, the Christ Part of you that is ME to finally emerge from the place where you, the ego-personality, has kept it hidden away; in the background, following the ego-leader, round and round on that merry-go-round of a life that you’ve been living since listening to your father and that psychiatrist when your daughter was still but an infant.

You must journey all the way back to that fork in the road and meet up with that young woman again. You are now free; no children; no pets; nothing but your life stretched out ahead of you; years and years more of life, a whole new lifetime before you, in which to do it over again; to do what your soul came to do before it was so thoroughly conditioned by family, racial group, society, peers…

Who are you, really? Where and how do you want to spend the rest of your life? You have more time left now than you’ve already spent from that time at the fork in the road. Go back there. Find that young woman. This time, follow her and not your father and the psychiatrist.

Slow down. You have plenty of time. Slow down. There is no rush.

Toni

And so, today I put forth the container of my self-Self to be filled and I let my Divine mission unfold before me.

Declaration of Intention- 10/14/07; Sunday, 4:52 p.m.:

I intend to find and connect with my Soul; the Essential Self that came to this flesh body to serve a unique function as part of the Godhead on earth during this lifetime. I intend to reach back in time and touch that Soul when She/It was clear; before She/It made decisions that were very much conditioned by family, society—the world. I return to a time before the decision was made to take the path that led to this moment: breast cancer-mastectomy-reconstructive surgery-laid-up-for-months-recovery, recuperation and the resultant creation of a new self.

I intend to surrender this life, the remainder of it, to the guidance, leadership and direction of my own Divine Soul-Goddess Self who came to do something that can only be done by the Soul that inhabits the body of this entity called Toni Roberts. Așe.

So be it on this 14th day of October in the year 2007.

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