one woman's journey to wholeness…

Posts tagged ‘psychotherapy’

An Open Letter to My Frightened Inner Child

My little One…

I am so sorry

I forgot about you

Forgot that you are always with me

that you are a part of me

a self within this Self that I AM

You’ve been feeling frightened…

helpless…

I know…

hey, little girl...i'm here...

Well, no more, my love

I am here and I am strong and courageous

There are no boogeymen  who can get me

I am safe

And I am your protector

I am not your parents, no…

I am nothing like your violent, abusive, alcoholic father

who terrorized you and your brother and your mother

for all of those long, frightening years…

hey, little one...you are safe now...

I am not your abused child-mother

who had not the inner or outer resources

to protect herself…

much less her two violated children

I am strong for I have

the strength of God flowing through

the blood…sinews…soul

of this body-mind

I am courageous because I know…

from living it

that no harm comes to me

when I am consciously cocooned in

GRACE

Come, little one…

walk by my side

Place your hand in mine

and thus we walk together

you and I and  the Christ-Spirit

Who walks by my side

clasping my hand…

At times lifting me up

to carry me over danger

We now have safe passage

you and I

through this

man-created world…

Come, my love…

give me your hand

Be at peace…

I gotcha!

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Journal Entry: July 22, 2011

Arise...

Journal Entry: July 22, 2011

The temperature index range today is 106 to 112 degrees, so I know where my ass will be for the second day in a row. It’s even too hot at night to go out walking. Guess I’ll continue cleaning the apartment for exercise. I’ll walk around the house a lot—like my mother used to do—from room to room all night long. What a mad woman and no one to help her. All she had was her job and her money—that was her Savior.

I do have compassion for her now. How great her suffering must have been all of her life—from the age of eight. And no useful help; not the rich inner life that I have always had or trained outside help like psychotherapy; or the many support groups from whom I’ve benefitted through the years. I spent most of my adult life first recognizing, then accepting and owning my wounds; and then finally doing something about them. I still am involved in what appears to be a lifelong process of healing and growth. This very act of journal writing is part of “doing the work,” clearing the passageway; purifying the vehicle the instrument through which the Creation continues to unfold…

I am so grateful for this sacred time in which to turn one hundred percent of my attention…my life energy…to my passions; to the callings of my heart. I have ceased the years-long writing and re-writing of my novel. I have kissed the ghosts of those old characters good-bye and have moved on. I completed a short story; the first in more than twenty years. I’ve entered my writing and photography into competition and am actively researching online markets for my completed short story—the first of many lined up in consciousness waiting to be heard and told.

I now give very little of my attention and energy to the never-ending stream of events, circumstances and people in my external world. I am alive again. I am free. I am blessed. I am aware of being part of a world in healing; of a reversal of human focus and expenditure of energy. I am consciously connected to the One Energy—which, I am learning is a powerful, benevolent, intelligent creative force available to everyone to be used as one chooses. It comes down to the one choice we humans have—whether or not we realize it—and that sole choice is between “God and the mammon”Spirit or FleshInner or Outer

Finally (or is it once again!), I find myself at that crossroad of choice and I make the only intelligent choice. This time I’m sticking to it!

May the Force be with my Bertha butt!

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