one woman's journey to wholeness…

Posts tagged ‘evolution’

A Dawning Of The Light Of Understanding…

phone-camera-photos-021

The Light Dawns – Photo by Toni Roberts

almost like an explosion of LIGHT going off in my head

the sudden realization:

Life

needs not my

agreement

approval

or even my

understanding

all that is required from me is

acceptance

of

what

   is

the

evolutionary process

requires neither

personal judgements

nor

   opinions…

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Meditation On Diseases Of Old Age…Death & Dying…

Grandmother Tree; Central Park, NYC; Photo by Toni Roberts

Grandmother Tree; Central Park, NYC; Photo by Toni Roberts

 

It occurs to me that

Death

As a human condition

   Is self-determined

That we each reach a period in Time

   Some sooner than others…

   When we cease to dream

Cease to re-imagine ourselves more wondrous…

   We cease to believe…

   For whatever reasons…

That we can manifest our deepest dreams and desires

   In this lifetime…

We cease to imagine ourselves greater

We cease creating and re-creating

Self and Life

Indeed, we surrender the belief in our ability to

So do

Via the agency of human imagination…

And thus

On some deep level of being

We surrender this

Life

Body

Mind

And gradually

   Organ by organ…

   In a process we name disease…

The body breaks down as the

Soul

Prepares to take flight

To another Time of Being

To another Here-Now

Where it continues its journey of

Evolution

to

Eternal

Lightness of

   Being…

Join me. Come out as a Daughter of Gaia!

http://www.wordpress.com/DaughtersofGaia

http://www.wordpress.com/orishatreasures

Memorial Day…

long island sound 5 25 14

long island sound 5 25 14

 

On this Memorial Day

I release those dead and discarded

Aspects of Self

That no longer

Serve

Support and

Promote

My evolutionary

Purpose...

river 5 25 14

river 5 25 14

 

I need not name you

For you know exactly

Who you are…

Adieu..A Dios…

Vaya con La Diosa…

river two 5 25 14

river two 5 25 14

I now welcome and make room in consciousness for

Adaptability…

Flexibility…

Acceptance of

What

Is…

river three 5 25 14

river three 5 25 14

 

Regardless!

A Little Birdie Told Me…

a little birdie told me…

A little birdie–or maybe it wasn’t a little birdie–

but a big-ass pigeon–

landed on my windowsill this morning;

a brazen, little beast was he.

He didn’t shy–or fly away when I came up to the window–

but stood his ground.

“Hey, pigeon,” I asked,

“What message did you come to deliver to me?”

I then sat

in silence

before the window

and listened.

Sure enough, after a long silent while

my Messenger Pigeon began to speak:

“Slow down. Be cool fool. Chill Mill. You are on a journey of evolution. This is a process of becoming. I know, nothing is going your way. None of the things, events, circumstances for which you lust are manifesting. You must understand that NO THING that is not in alignment with your Divine Purposecan manifest.  You have already committed to The One. You’ve already turned over…surrendered the remainder of this incarnation to That Which Caused you–as you know yourself–into being. Period.

“You are AT-ONE. The Atonement is complete; solid. We are here and you are aware of our Presence.

“Fear not. That is your last stumbling block: Fear.  But as We continue demonstrating to you in the world of form–that so mesmerizes you who are caught up in the human drama-myth of separation–that there is NO THING TO FEAR FOR WE ARE WITH YOU–the fear will dissipate. It will lose its hold on your mind as your belief in the validity of the 3-D-world-of-form begins to loosen its stronghold on your mind.

“Take five, my dear! Give yourself a break. Rest. Back-off. Relax. Let. Allow. Relinquish that false sense of control.

“I’m off now, Dearie. Got a few more messages to deliver before returning HOME.

“Don’t you be jealous, now, dear child. One day, you too will be flying HOME. However, for now, you’ve got work to do…wood to chopwater to haul…all of it sacred work.”

Hard Lessons of This Path

new horizons...

Journal Entry: July 25, 2011

Hard Lessons of This Path I’ve Chosen to Tread

I find myself at a place of great struggle to continue to submit my human will to Divine Will or the Will of Something that is greater than my needy, greedy, fearful, and filled with earthly desires human will. It ain’t easy! But then, “they” say if the Path were easy, more would tread it—or something like that. This Path I’ve chosen is one of isolation, fear and doubt yet Something keeps me pushing forward towards the Light. There is now present an inner certainty that has moved beyond mere belief into a deep visceral knowing.

I am learning to use consciousness—my mind—my thinking, reasoning capabilities. That has been my major weak point. I have always moved directly from the realm of emotions and feelings into action. God-forbid my allowing my mind or powers of reasoning to intervene. I now find myself able to maintain that state of Divine Tension: that period of extreme discomfort while waiting in the void; in the emptiness and uncertainty that precedes acting from the highest wisdom and love.

I find myself somewhat of a participating observer in what is still—surprisingly—very much my life. In fact, this changing life that I am living becomes daily more of a reflection of my deepest heart and will. I am increasingly more able to release everyday concerns and fears; to release this beingness that I am to the in-breath—the inhalation of Life—and then allowing—the out-breath—the exhalation to become the forms, events and experiences of everyday existence.

I am having to accept that I am not in charge of what is being created through my human beingness. Nor am I in a position to see—to even guess the who? When? Why? Where? And how? of the path unfolding before me. I tread a path of patience, perseverance and continued learning at the inner Altar of Knowledge.

I am finding that this great Purpose which moves me to action is of far greater importance in the overall scheme of things than my individual plans, needs and desires. I am devoted to this Purpose, this Calling of mind/Mind, heart/Heart and will/Will to a higher vibratory level of being. I will follow It in the midst of all and any human circumstances, challenges and difficulties. The glamour of the third dimension is losing its allure. I stand at the brink of a new way of being human.

My “Conversations with God” Oct. 5 – 8, 2007

all's right in the world...

My “Conversations with God” October 5, – October 8, 2007

10/5/07

4:24 PM

Looking at Oprah. Elizabeth Gilbert, the author of Eat, Pray, Love is being interviewed. I am feeling very jealous; but knowing that it is now that I must truly turn to God for answers for I KNOW NOT WHAT TO DO. Am very frightened re prospect of chemotherapy.

What do I do, my God? Please direct me. Thank You.

Immediate Inner Response:

This, my dear is the beginning of the real journey. Jimmy (my dead father!) will deliver the vehicle you will ride inward to the Voice and Wisdom of the Divine. All answers—your way will unfold. And without thinking or planning or even knowing, you will find that way—your way—unfolding as you place one foot before the other and walk through your life.

10/6/07

8:25 AM

Toni:

And so, God, what am I supposed to do with this day? What is it You would have me do with this day of my life? What function? What purpose?

Immediate Inner Response:

The function and purpose of your life each day, my dear one, is to live it. Not from some pre-ordained, pre-arranged “Plan” set in heaven or in earth but to live moment by moment from the truth of your heart. That is the purpose, the function of any life.

Even I do not know what you will do, how you will live in the next second of your life. For what would be the role, the function of FREE WILL if all was already set in stone by ME or any other being?

Toni:

So, instead of looking for a pre-known plan for each moment of my life, I will let it unfold as it will; paying strict attention to my own heart; my own desires; and stop trying to sublimate my desires to live the Buddhist Way; denying my desires because I believe them too carnal—too low-CHAKRA; not lofty enough for such a spiritually evolved being as I.

10/07/07

AM

What do I really, really, really want today? Well, at this moment…a peaceful day of doing absolutely nothing. To be alone with my Self in a clean apartment without the woman being here to clean it. Peace. Solitude. Maybe just Y. (my niece visiting from out of town) coming over to talk and visit with me.

PM

Did get a day alone. Well there was the visit from my friend, C. and J., the aide—but other than those two—alone—and came face to face with two of the seemingly many saboteurs who hide out within: Lady Vanity and Spoiled Child, who was actually getting into a snitch about Y., B. and G. going to my mother’s house and not coming over here. Spoiled Child “performed” for D. and the nurse, who both immediately put me in my selfish, self-centered, spoiled child place.

Toni:

God, how do I trust myself? How do I know when it is the Self or just one of the many destructive, inner saboteurs running the show? How do I know the difference?

Immediate Inner Response:

You know by the consequences.

Toni:

That’s not satisfactory. I want to avoid bad consequences by not performing the behavior that results in bad circumstances.

Immediate Inner Response:

When you feel the way you felt today; all irrationally emotional and not loved; like a neglected, unloved, abandoned child in face of the reality to the contrary; when you feel the way you did as a child—then you will know.

10/08/07

Well, what kind of day shall this be? Quiet? Pensive? Introspective? You know, God, I don’t know that I really know myself. I wonder…like Spoiled Child who threw a major tantrum yesterday because she was not the center of attention. Although in her heart, she didn’t truly want all of that company, she really expected her brother to go pick up her mother—her 87 year old mother who has been through carpal tunnel surgery, cataract surgery, two knee replacements, three heart attacks; open heart surgery; a mastectomy, a lumpectomy, radiation treatments and is who is on Tamoxifen and dozens of other drugs for-the-rest-of-her-life-mother—and bring all of them over here to Spoiled Child’s house.

Boy, I shocked and disappointed my friend, C. and of course, D., was thoroughly disgusted with me when I related the whole tale to them. Wow. It wasn’t until C. said what she said to me that I was able to look at myself and see what and who she and D. were seeing. Am I always so self-involved and self-centered? Probably.

Please help me to see myself as others see me; to see my behavior; to not let Spoiled Child and Lady Vanity run my life. Thank You. Is there anything You have to say to me this morning, God, which will perhaps cause this to be a better day? Any guidance? Direction?

Immediate Inner Response:

Stay awake. Don’t go back to sleep. Especially be very aware—attentive to your emotions. Remember how you felt when you had your Spoiled Child meltdown yesterday—the emotional pain, the anger, the feelings that they (your family) didn’t love you and that you, therefore, didn’t care about them; that you would just cross them out of your life. Ask yourself: when did you used to feel like that? When did you experience those same emotions? When you were a child! When you were not getting love in the way you needed it. When you feel that way now, it is a signal that—not so much the spoiled child—but the hurt, wounded, emotionally neglected and abandoned child has come back up to the surface of the personality, and is getting ready to run the show from her hurt, pain and wounds.

It is then time for you to remember, you are not that child any longer. You are very loved and respected by your brother, mother and especially by your nieces. They think that you are the greatest!

It is time for you to live up to the high image of yourself that you have put forward all of these years. You are being watched; from those above and those below. They are watching you very carefully to see how you come out of this challenge; a serious challenge, yes, but not necessarily deadly. Remember: you still call the shots about when to stay and when to leave; and what to do while you are here; about the quality of your journey; who you are and how you behave. Ask yourself: do I really want to stay here? What do I truly want in my heart?

Toni:

My health back! My strength! My strong, beautiful body! To be whole! Disease-free!

Reflections:

I am a spiritual warrior. One who has a mission and is committed to that mission regardless of what obstacles may appear. And what is my mission? The fulfillment of my Soul’s purpose for being here-now.

I now commit myself with discipline to find my new path; to complete this transformation and to fulfill my Soul’s function and purpose this lifetime. And I can only know and express that by exploring the deepest and tiniest desires of my heart.

I now ride the rushing waves of my life! Living fully from every CHAKRA; even the first and second! I am ready to know myself again as a sexual being. I am willing to let go of old paradigms of which I am probably not even aware and within which I am still living. I release my past. I step out of the box and am ready to jump into the void—the unknown which will lead to freedom, joy, health, abundance and love…love…love!

The Birth of a Website; Journal Entry: 2/26/08

hope

Heru, Horus, Christ, Diosa-Crista, Spirit in the flesh, Daughter of Yahweh, Isis, Au-set, Great Mother, Love, Wisdom…Set, Ego, fear, greed, anxiety…all melded into The One Self under the guidance of the God-Mother-Father-Ra-Great Spirit…

I am of one Mind. I am a Daughter of the Divine; Woman of God, woman-god, goddess; here-now to fulfill some still unrevealed purpose; some destiny that was stamped upon my soul at the beginning of Time Itself;  here-now in this flesh encasement for fulfillment of divine purpose unfolding through the ages  as I appear and reappear on this earth scene.  A player in an ongoing, never-ending drama; a Mystery Play written in the heavenly stars by an Unknown Author who yet still writes…constantly shaping, molding, changing  Plot and Direction in a Grand Drama.

I hereby bring myself back under the direction and guidance of The One who first set me down in Herstory.  I am curious to see , to know, to live, to express-from the inside out— the original plot of this life, this role, this character I play in an unfolding Mystery called human existence on planet earth.

I hereby let go of all preconceived, rejudged notions of who I am and why I am here-now. I now let my life unfold from the inside out, unblocked, unchecked, unchallenged by the ego personality I also am.

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