one woman's journey to wholeness…

Archive for the ‘water’ Category

I Am Slowly Learning…

river 9 16 14 008

Hutchinson River, Bx., NY; Photo by Toni Roberts

to stop trying to push

the rivers of my life…

   to simply let them

flow

as

they

    will…

   arriving at their own destinations…

   unfolding in their own time…

Toni Roberts’ Artwork and Photography are available at:

http://www.cafepress.com/DaughtersofGaia

http://www.cafepress.com/orishatreasures

http://www.fineartamerica.com/art/all/toni+roberts/all

http://toniroberts.imagekind.com

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Winter Fires Of Transformation…

beloved river at winter

beloved river at winter

The cauldron boils

Below the icy grip

Of winterdeath…

Below endless patches of white

Fires surge…water boils…

Melting…dissolving…washing away

All that dares to block the rushing flow of power

Beneath the death mask of ice

What new worlds…new realities

Push…shove…struggle to breathe…

To be born from your depths?

At-One-Ment: A Homecoming

atonement 12 30 2013 011

I sit here

at my window altar

gazing outward…

focused inward...

Such a feeling of finality...

as if an old way of being has come to an end

c’est fini…

I am in worship

in communion with

I know not what…

what I do know…however…

is that this ” I know not what

is the Source of the being

who sits here-now writing these words…

This “I know not what”

is what will unfold

in…as…through

whatever I become

in the next

minutes

hours

days

of this experience

I name

self...

life

Whoever–

I conceived…perceived myself to be–just yesterday…

I am no longer…

I know not yet what I shall become…

who or what will unfold from the

Great Mystery of Being

Which pours ItSelf

in…as…through

all that I call

Reality...

all that I know is that I will align

my energetic frequency

to It

matching It Beat for Beat…

I will marry myself to It…

Bind myself irretrievably…eternally…to

It

I am plugged into the Source

fully…completely…

in eternal connection…

in a state of

at-one-ment

Bathing In The Healing Waters Of Gratitude…Of Thanksgiving…

healing waters...

healing waters…

bathing in the healing waters of Gratitude during these days of Thanksgiving…

deep in the dwelling place of Silence

listening…remembering…

love…family…clan…tribe…nation…planet…universe…multiverse…

I am here-now

everywhere existing

as intelligent vibrating energy…

a force in motion…

Life Itself

unfolding from the inside out

without rhyme or reason…

making no sense at all

to the rational mind…

The Silence speaks

in shifting sensations

within my heart and solar plexus

words felt in flutters

that rush up

as tears of release…

shape-shifting into joy peace

grateful commitment to

a Nameless Power

a Glorious Mystery

unfolding in through as

all that I am…

as all that there is

I move forward in life

in the spirit of cooperation and love

knowing that all that comes my way…

comes my way

simply to pass

and that every situation…

and everyone within my sphere of influence

is blessed and changed for the better…

and for that–I am most grateful…

Watching The River Be…

river at rest...

river at rest…

Sitting here at my window altar

In the stillness

After the rains…

The river

Dark and shadowy

Un-moving

Reminding me that I cannot push the river…

Make it flow…

Anymore than I can push my life…

“Make it happen”

All of the goals and dreams of glory…

Now in stillness…

Nothing moving…

Like the shadowy river below…

I am at peace…

Master of today…

Letting my life be as it will…

Living my process

With patience and not just

Endurance…

Feeling the exquisite joy of simply sitting here

At my window altar

Watching the river be

New Insights On Forgiveness…

sunset 3 26 2013 032

We do not

Cannot

Forgive anyone

In the sense of granting absolution

That is “God‘s” job: to forgive one’s sins against us

To forgive

In any meaningful, realistic sense

Is to release

Oneself from the shackles of

Anger

Rage

Hatred

And other

Life-sapping emotions

That rage within the heart and mind

To forgive

Is to clear oneself…

Body…Mind and Soul...

Making of oneself

A passageway for

Love…

Ever open and receptive

As Life

Pours in…as…through

One’s clear and unsullied being

Into the world

As

Form

Reflections On A Rainy Day…

reflections…

I am here to serve by being

I am part of an ongoing, ever-unfolding and expanding Creation

The more I quiet the intensity

of my human desires…

the more my will becomes one with the

Will of God

I owe God the proper upkeep of this body

and in order to do so

I must avail myself of every human means

until the body falls under the complete control of the Godhead

via

the indwelling Christ

at which time

the body is re-formed, re-newed and maintained

without interruption

I am here to serve as a

Woman-of-God...

On Death…Dying…Souls Leaving Without Saying Good-bye…Tears…Laughter and Drumming For My Life In Marcus Garvey Park…

souls leaving without saying good-bye…

Spoke to my old college buddy, M., this morning.

Her husband, C., keeled over and died in the middle of their conversation

in their hotel room

in Atlantic City

Friday morning.

There he was one minute yammering away

and then he was gone

in

a

split

second.

M. was asking him from the bathroom,

having just gotten out of the shower herself,

if he was going to shower next or

wait until morning?

“Now.” He answers her. “I can smell myself.”

Then...thud

She hears what sounds like something dropping on the floor

in the next room.

And sure enough…

something had dropped on the floor…

her husband.

He was stone, cold dead.

That makes me weep.

I weep not

for my friend, M.

nor for her husband, C.

I weep because life is so fragile…

so temporary…

so uncertain.

As I sit here at my window altar

writing these words,

I have no way of knowing if they will be my last

and if in a week or so

my daughter will  be using her

emergency key to enter my apartment

to dispose of my rotting, stinking body

after my soul had up and decided to leave today

without even saying good-bye.

That thought makes makes me laugh…

And think.

And I am then filled with gratitude

another beautiful day of life…

for having left this apartment yesterday

to meet up with my Sister Drum Slut, Y.

in Marcus Garvey Park

where I drummed my ass off

along with a handful of diehard drummers

squeezing in as much drumming as we can

before fall turns to winter

and it’s just too damn cold

to sit out there in the park

drumming for hours as if

our lives depended upon it.

And they do…

our lives…

depend upon it…

at least mine does…

We drummed as if our spirits

would up and leave

without

saying

good-bye…

if we didn’t drum for our lives…

A Day With K. In Central Park…

Am taking a day of quiet, solitude and contemplation. Reliving Friday. Spent the day in Central Park with my “sister-friend,” (to borrow V.’s phrase) K. I allowed her to lead me in a walk through the park to places I’d never been which turned out to be a metaphor for my current life lessons…

Central Park, NYC…secret tunnels leading to the unknown…

Like: the repetition of old behaviors is the root of every heartache and disappointment.

Central Park, NYC…off the beaten path…

Am realizing…

my whole life is my creation…

everyone, everything, every event and experience

is Self creating the lessons that “i ” am here to learn…

Self presenting me with mysteries that only “i” can solve…

My life is a Soul-inspired novela

peopled with characters who are mere reflections

of those aspects of  self that I would prefer to not see…

And those 3-D dramas that I find myself caught up in?

Simply denied fears, doubts and conflicts that

I am conveniently projecting outward…

onto the world

Central Park, NYC…hidden corners of paradise…

Central Park, NYC…light…dark…shadows…reflections upon the waters of emotion…

Central Park, NYC…Life keeps on keeping on even when finding Itself between a rock and hard place…

Central Park, NYC…even in entanglement…the pure beauty of nature shines through…

Central Park, NYC…at rest…

Thank you, my dear friend for an enlightening journey

through Central Park

to places

I’ve never been

More Gratitude and Insights…

the miracle of each new day…

I’m at my window altar in a state of gratitude: I have a roof over my head; central air-conditioning; good food in my belly; clean, oxygenated water to drink; supplements, fresh fruit; organic chicken wings thawing out in the kitchen for the meal I’ll prepare when I get hungry again. Does it get any better? Can it get any better in this one moment of peace and fulfillment of my immediate needs?

Perhaps that is precisely what I need to learn by practice: staying in the NOW–in the one and only moment in which I am acutely aware of having all that I need for fullness of contentment and joy. If I move one second–one millimeter “ahead” into a “future,”I then experience deprivationlack...being in need of

flowers growing in the land of imagination…

So…therefore…if my sense of lack…of not having my needs met…is experienced only when I allow my mind/imagination to wander from the PRESENT NOW MOMENT into a “future time“: a non-three-dimensional space-time that only exists in my mind-imagination, then, the very sense of lack or need that I experience is too an illusion…as illusionary as the non-existent future created by my mental projections.

the intersecting worlds of mind-imagination…

at the border…

And so, today I make a conscious choice to discipline my mind-imagination, keeping it focused in the HERE-NOW; for the HERE-NOW  is the only reality of existence. I now choose to maintain a constant “frame of mind” that is focused on inner listening…on the goings-on of the internal world. It takes an almost superhuman effort to resist the fascination…the addiction to what is happening in the external world. It is with great effort that I will remain vigilant, roping in my forever wandering mind-imagination and returning it Home.

I am beginning to get a sense of how the mind-imagination…human consciousness–individually and collectively– creates a whole “universe” outside of where we truly exist…

There’s more to come…I sense it just at the border…

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