Hutchinson River, Bx., NY; Photo by Toni Roberts
to stop trying to push
the rivers of my life…
to simply let them
flow
as
they
will…
arriving at their own destinations…
unfolding in their own time…
Toni Roberts’ Artwork and Photography are available at:
http://www.cafepress.com/DaughtersofGaia
http://www.cafepress.com/orishatreasures
http://www.fineartamerica.com/art/all/toni+roberts/all
http://toniroberts.imagekind.com
beloved river at winter
The cauldron boils
Below the icy grip
Of winterdeath…
Below endless patches of white
Fires surge…water boils…
Melting…dissolving…washing away
All that dares to block the rushing flow of power
Beneath the death mask of ice
What new worlds…new realities…
Push…shove…struggle to breathe…
To be born from your depths?
I sit here
at my window altar
gazing outward…
focused inward...
Such a feeling of finality...
as if an old way of being has come to an end
c’est fini…
I am in worship…
in communion with
I know not what…
what I do know…however…
is that this ” I know not what“
is the Source of the being
who sits here-now writing these words…
This “I know not what”
is what will unfold
in…as…through
whatever I become
in the next
minutes
hours
days
of this experience
I name
self...
life…
Whoever–
I conceived…perceived myself to be–just yesterday…
I am no longer…
I know not yet what I shall become…
who or what will unfold from the
Great Mystery of Being
Which pours ItSelf
in…as…through
all that I call
Reality...
all that I know is that I will align
my energetic frequency
to It
matching It Beat for Beat…
I will marry myself to It…
Bind myself irretrievably…eternally…to
It
I am plugged into the Source
fully…completely…
in eternal connection…
in a state of
at-one-ment…
healing waters…
bathing in the healing waters of Gratitude during these days of Thanksgiving…
deep in the dwelling place of Silence
listening…remembering…
love…family…clan…tribe…nation…planet…universe…multiverse…
I am here-now
everywhere existing
as intelligent vibrating energy…
a force in motion…
Life Itself
unfolding from the inside out
without rhyme or reason…
making no sense at all
to the rational mind…
The Silence speaks
in shifting sensations
within my heart and solar plexus
words felt in flutters
that rush up
as tears of release…
shape-shifting into joy peace
grateful commitment to
a Nameless Power
a Glorious Mystery
unfolding in through as
all that I am…
as all that there is…
I move forward in life
in the spirit of cooperation and love
knowing that all that comes my way…
comes my way
simply to pass…
and that every situation…
and everyone within my sphere of influence
is blessed and changed for the better…
and for that–I am most grateful…
river at rest…
Sitting here at my window altar
In the stillness
After the rains…
The river
Dark and shadowy
Un-moving
Reminding me that I cannot push the river…
Make it flow…
Anymore than I can push my life…
“Make it happen”
All of the goals and dreams of glory…
Now in stillness…
Nothing moving…
Like the shadowy river below…
I am at peace…
Master of today…
Letting my life be as it will…
Living my process
With patience and not just
Endurance…
Feeling the exquisite joy of simply sitting here
At my window altar
Watching the river be…
We do not
Cannot
Forgive anyone
In the sense of granting absolution
That is “God‘s” job: to forgive one’s sins against us
To forgive
In any meaningful, realistic sense
Is to release
Oneself from the shackles of
Anger
Rage
Hatred
And other
Life-sapping emotions
That rage within the heart and mind
To forgive
Is to clear oneself…
Body…Mind and Soul...
Making of oneself
A passageway for
Love…
Ever open and receptive
As Life
Pours in…as…through
One’s clear and unsullied being
Into the world
As
Form
reflections…
I am here to serve by being…
I am part of an ongoing, ever-unfolding and expanding Creation…
The more I quiet the intensity
of my human desires…
the more my will becomes one with the
Will of God…
I owe God the proper upkeep of this body
and in order to do so
I must avail myself of every human means
until the body falls under the complete control of the Godhead
via
the indwelling Christ…
at which time
the body is re-formed, re-newed and maintained
without interruption…
I am here to serve as a
Woman-of-God...
souls leaving without saying good-bye…
Spoke to my old college buddy, M., this morning.
Her husband, C., keeled over and died in the middle of their conversation
in their hotel room
Friday morning.
There he was one minute yammering away
and then he was gone
in
a
split
second.
M. was asking him from the bathroom,
having just gotten out of the shower herself,
if he was going to shower next or
wait until morning?
“Now.” He answers her. “I can smell myself.”
Then...thud…
She hears what sounds like something dropping on the floor
in the next room.
And sure enough…
something had dropped on the floor…
her husband.
He was stone, cold dead.
That makes me weep.
I weep not
for my friend, M.
nor for her husband, C.
I weep because life is so fragile…
so temporary…
so uncertain.
As I sit here at my window altar
writing these words,
I have no way of knowing if they will be my last
and if in a week or so
my daughter will be using her
emergency key to enter my apartment
to dispose of my rotting, stinking body
after my soul had up and decided to leave today
without even saying good-bye.
That thought makes makes me laugh…
And think.
And I am then filled with gratitude
another beautiful day of life…
for having left this apartment yesterday
to meet up with my Sister Drum Slut, Y.
where I drummed my ass off
along with a handful of diehard drummers
squeezing in as much drumming as we can
before fall turns to winter
and it’s just too damn cold
to sit out there in the park
drumming for hours as if
our lives depended upon it.
And they do…
our lives…
depend upon it…
at least mine does…
We drummed as if our spirits
would up and leave
without
saying
good-bye…
if we didn’t drum for our lives…
Am taking a day of quiet, solitude and contemplation. Reliving Friday. Spent the day in Central Park with my “sister-friend,” (to borrow V.’s phrase) K. I allowed her to lead me in a walk through the park to places I’d never been which turned out to be a metaphor for my current life lessons…
Central Park, NYC…secret tunnels leading to the unknown…
Like: the repetition of old behaviors is the root of every heartache and disappointment.
Central Park, NYC…off the beaten path…
Am realizing…
my whole life is my creation…
everyone, everything, every event and experience
is Self creating the lessons that “i ” am here to learn…
Self presenting me with mysteries that only “i” can solve…
My life is a Soul-inspired novela
peopled with characters who are mere reflections
of those aspects of self that I would prefer to not see…
And those 3-D dramas that I find myself caught up in?
Simply denied fears, doubts and conflicts that
I am conveniently projecting outward…
onto the world
Central Park, NYC…hidden corners of paradise…
Central Park, NYC…light…dark…shadows…reflections upon the waters of emotion…
Central Park, NYC…Life keeps on keeping on even when finding Itself between a rock and hard place…
Central Park, NYC…even in entanglement…the pure beauty of nature shines through…
Central Park, NYC…at rest…
Thank you, my dear friend for an enlightening journey
through Central Park
to places
I’ve never been
the miracle of each new day…
I’m at my window altar in a state of gratitude: I have a roof over my head; central air-conditioning; good food in my belly; clean, oxygenated water to drink; supplements, fresh fruit; organic chicken wings thawing out in the kitchen for the meal I’ll prepare when I get hungry again. Does it get any better? Can it get any better in this one moment of peace and fulfillment of my immediate needs?
Perhaps that is precisely what I need to learn by practice: staying in the NOW–in the one and only moment in which I am acutely aware of having all that I need for fullness of contentment and joy. If I move one second–one millimeter “ahead” into a “future,”I then experience deprivation…lack...being in need of…
flowers growing in the land of imagination…
So…therefore…if my sense of lack…of not having my needs met…is experienced only when I allow my mind/imagination to wander from the PRESENT NOW MOMENT into a “future time“: a non-three-dimensional space-time that only exists in my mind-imagination, then, the very sense of lack or need that I experience is too an illusion…as illusionary as the non-existent future created by my mental projections.
the intersecting worlds of mind-imagination…
at the border…
And so, today I make a conscious choice to discipline my mind-imagination, keeping it focused in the HERE-NOW; for the HERE-NOW is the only reality of existence. I now choose to maintain a constant “frame of mind” that is focused on inner listening…on the goings-on of the internal world. It takes an almost superhuman effort to resist the fascination…the addiction to what is happening in the external world. It is with great effort that I will remain vigilant, roping in my forever wandering mind-imagination and returning it Home.
I am beginning to get a sense of how the mind-imagination…human consciousness–individually and collectively– creates a whole “universe” outside of where we truly exist…
There’s more to come…I sense it just at the border…
