one woman's journey to wholeness…

Archive for the ‘the wounded child within’ Category

“Rainy Days & Sundays…”

rainy day river 001

Rainy…River…Day; Photo by Toni Roberts

 

Nothing like a rainy day to turn one’s attention inward…

I was sitting here at my window altar

Exploring

Heart

   Soul…

and

Consciousness

When I uncovered tiny pockets of

Anger

Sadness

and

Rage

   That remained

Hidden

Within the dark recesses of my being…

   Buried…

   Stinking…

SHIT

Some of it dating back to childhood

   (And we all know how long ago that was!)…

Oh, how well I know

and remember

How

Unexpressed

Anger

Sadness

and

Rage

   Can…

   Will…

Eventually manifest in the

Flesh

as

   Disease…

And so…

On this rainy day

I got busy with the necessary

   Inner Work

Scrubbing

Cleansing

Mopping up

Vacuuming

Clearing

and

Cleaning out

The tons of stinking…festering…rotting

   SHIT…

I unloaded every speck that I could find of that

Inner Garbage

So that I may walk

Free

Clear

Light

   Unburdened

By yesterday’s pain

   Into tomorrow’s sunshine

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Spent All Day Photographing The River And…

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Photo by Toni Roberts 1/16/16

   weeping...

releasing deep pain

I didn’t know remained

      within

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Photo by Toni Roberts 1/16/16

probably brushing it aside

in prayer and meditation

   whenever it came up…

as if the release of psychic pain

   is not an ongoing job…

river 1 16 16 046

Photo by Toni Roberts 1/16/16

   and so…

I have given myself this entire week

   OFF…

Saturday to Saturday

vacation

retreat

seclusion

no business

   no telephone calls…

river 1 16 16 092

Photo by Toni Roberts 1/16/16

 

   just the

   river

   my

   tears…

and

this profound sense of

   mourning

for whom?

or what?

   can’t name it…

   only know that a part of me…

a

heavy load

I’ve carried deep within my heart

since the beginning of

   memory

   can now be released…

during this week of

vacation

retreat

   letting go...

this week of

   death…

and

    dying things

A Lesson Learned From Breast Cancer…The Great Messenger From The Soul…

Photo by Toni Roberts; "Childhood Memories"

“Childhood Memories” Photo by Toni Roberts

it’s a given

that when one is staring

Death in the face

one is more than willing to

go there

   you know…

that place to which we

jus’ ain’t goin‘”

but here’s the

good news

we don’t have to wait until

   our own demise is imminent…

and one disease or other

is hitting us

upside the head

with a 2 x 4

in order to finally

go there…

you can go there now

in the

bloom of health

and be not

devastated

nor

destroyed

by remembered horrors

endured by the

   wounded child…

   who remains…

   huddled in pain…

in a dark and hidden corner

of your heart…

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