one woman's journey to wholeness…

Archive for the ‘prayer’ Category

Rainy Days And Sundays…

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Poder Feminina Africana*  – Photo by Toni Roberts

always wake me up!

*African Feminine Power

For One Human To Attack Another Is…

 self-mutilation

Reacting VS Responding…

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Yemaya At Work – Photo by Toni Roberts

Today

   For the first time…

      I saw the choice so clearly:

I can continue

Reacting to negative people…events and circumstances

From my place of

   OLD…UNHEALED…EMOTIONAL WOUNDS…

In that so

   HUMAN WAY…

   or…

I can rise above the residue of pain from events long past

And

CHOOSE

 to lift up my

   CONSCIOUSNESS…

ALLOWING

An

   EVER-PRESENT…

   APPROPRIATE…

And

HEALING RESPONSE

To

Unfold

Naturally

   On ITS own…

    In

   As

And

      Through…

 My every

   Thought…

   Word…

   Action

The Ultimate Prayer:

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Photo by Toni Roberts Central Park, NYC

yes, please

THY WILL

THY WAY

and in

THY TIME

not mine

   Thank You

Today, I Found Freedom…

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Freedom – Pencil Drawing/Photo by Toni Roberts

by letting go of

fear

and

preference

Freedom…

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Photo by Toni Roberts

saying

YES

to the

LETTING GO ENERGY

and simply drifting along with the

everflowing

   WATERS OF LIFE

that’s

   FREEDOM

Today, While Sitting, Breathing, Waiting & Listening…

I heard whispered:

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Reflections Of Light On The “Hutch”; photo by Toni Roberts

you are a

living portal

through which the

INEFFABLE

enters the

3rd

   dimension…

This Is What Is Most Difficult…

IT IS THE

SITTING…BREATHING…WAITING…LISTENING…

artwork 009

Charcoal Drawing/Photo by Toni Roberts

 

while impatience and guilt about the

dirty kitchen floor

dirty laundry piling up

and

   this prolonged absence from…

   and longing to return to…

   the kick-ass world of making shit happen…

PLAGUE

   me…

stealing my attention from the

SILENCE

 

artwork 013

Charcoal Drawing/Photo by Toni Roberts

 

in which

HER VOICE

can be heard

and the

LESSONS

of

the

DAY

   BEGUN...

Toni Roberts’ Artwork and Photography are available at:

http://www.cafepress.com/DaughtersofGaia

http://www.cafepress.com/orishatreasures

http://www.fineartamerica.com/art/all/toni+roberts/all

http://toniroberts.imagekind.com

 

 

 

 

 

My “Conversations with God” Oct. 5 – 8, 2007

all's right in the world...

My “Conversations with God” October 5, – October 8, 2007

10/5/07

4:24 PM

Looking at Oprah. Elizabeth Gilbert, the author of Eat, Pray, Love is being interviewed. I am feeling very jealous; but knowing that it is now that I must truly turn to God for answers for I KNOW NOT WHAT TO DO. Am very frightened re prospect of chemotherapy.

What do I do, my God? Please direct me. Thank You.

Immediate Inner Response:

This, my dear is the beginning of the real journey. Jimmy (my dead father!) will deliver the vehicle you will ride inward to the Voice and Wisdom of the Divine. All answers—your way will unfold. And without thinking or planning or even knowing, you will find that way—your way—unfolding as you place one foot before the other and walk through your life.

10/6/07

8:25 AM

Toni:

And so, God, what am I supposed to do with this day? What is it You would have me do with this day of my life? What function? What purpose?

Immediate Inner Response:

The function and purpose of your life each day, my dear one, is to live it. Not from some pre-ordained, pre-arranged “Plan” set in heaven or in earth but to live moment by moment from the truth of your heart. That is the purpose, the function of any life.

Even I do not know what you will do, how you will live in the next second of your life. For what would be the role, the function of FREE WILL if all was already set in stone by ME or any other being?

Toni:

So, instead of looking for a pre-known plan for each moment of my life, I will let it unfold as it will; paying strict attention to my own heart; my own desires; and stop trying to sublimate my desires to live the Buddhist Way; denying my desires because I believe them too carnal—too low-CHAKRA; not lofty enough for such a spiritually evolved being as I.

10/07/07

AM

What do I really, really, really want today? Well, at this moment…a peaceful day of doing absolutely nothing. To be alone with my Self in a clean apartment without the woman being here to clean it. Peace. Solitude. Maybe just Y. (my niece visiting from out of town) coming over to talk and visit with me.

PM

Did get a day alone. Well there was the visit from my friend, C. and J., the aide—but other than those two—alone—and came face to face with two of the seemingly many saboteurs who hide out within: Lady Vanity and Spoiled Child, who was actually getting into a snitch about Y., B. and G. going to my mother’s house and not coming over here. Spoiled Child “performed” for D. and the nurse, who both immediately put me in my selfish, self-centered, spoiled child place.

Toni:

God, how do I trust myself? How do I know when it is the Self or just one of the many destructive, inner saboteurs running the show? How do I know the difference?

Immediate Inner Response:

You know by the consequences.

Toni:

That’s not satisfactory. I want to avoid bad consequences by not performing the behavior that results in bad circumstances.

Immediate Inner Response:

When you feel the way you felt today; all irrationally emotional and not loved; like a neglected, unloved, abandoned child in face of the reality to the contrary; when you feel the way you did as a child—then you will know.

10/08/07

Well, what kind of day shall this be? Quiet? Pensive? Introspective? You know, God, I don’t know that I really know myself. I wonder…like Spoiled Child who threw a major tantrum yesterday because she was not the center of attention. Although in her heart, she didn’t truly want all of that company, she really expected her brother to go pick up her mother—her 87 year old mother who has been through carpal tunnel surgery, cataract surgery, two knee replacements, three heart attacks; open heart surgery; a mastectomy, a lumpectomy, radiation treatments and is who is on Tamoxifen and dozens of other drugs for-the-rest-of-her-life-mother—and bring all of them over here to Spoiled Child’s house.

Boy, I shocked and disappointed my friend, C. and of course, D., was thoroughly disgusted with me when I related the whole tale to them. Wow. It wasn’t until C. said what she said to me that I was able to look at myself and see what and who she and D. were seeing. Am I always so self-involved and self-centered? Probably.

Please help me to see myself as others see me; to see my behavior; to not let Spoiled Child and Lady Vanity run my life. Thank You. Is there anything You have to say to me this morning, God, which will perhaps cause this to be a better day? Any guidance? Direction?

Immediate Inner Response:

Stay awake. Don’t go back to sleep. Especially be very aware—attentive to your emotions. Remember how you felt when you had your Spoiled Child meltdown yesterday—the emotional pain, the anger, the feelings that they (your family) didn’t love you and that you, therefore, didn’t care about them; that you would just cross them out of your life. Ask yourself: when did you used to feel like that? When did you experience those same emotions? When you were a child! When you were not getting love in the way you needed it. When you feel that way now, it is a signal that—not so much the spoiled child—but the hurt, wounded, emotionally neglected and abandoned child has come back up to the surface of the personality, and is getting ready to run the show from her hurt, pain and wounds.

It is then time for you to remember, you are not that child any longer. You are very loved and respected by your brother, mother and especially by your nieces. They think that you are the greatest!

It is time for you to live up to the high image of yourself that you have put forward all of these years. You are being watched; from those above and those below. They are watching you very carefully to see how you come out of this challenge; a serious challenge, yes, but not necessarily deadly. Remember: you still call the shots about when to stay and when to leave; and what to do while you are here; about the quality of your journey; who you are and how you behave. Ask yourself: do I really want to stay here? What do I truly want in my heart?

Toni:

My health back! My strength! My strong, beautiful body! To be whole! Disease-free!

Reflections:

I am a spiritual warrior. One who has a mission and is committed to that mission regardless of what obstacles may appear. And what is my mission? The fulfillment of my Soul’s purpose for being here-now.

I now commit myself with discipline to find my new path; to complete this transformation and to fulfill my Soul’s function and purpose this lifetime. And I can only know and express that by exploring the deepest and tiniest desires of my heart.

I now ride the rushing waves of my life! Living fully from every CHAKRA; even the first and second! I am ready to know myself again as a sexual being. I am willing to let go of old paradigms of which I am probably not even aware and within which I am still living. I release my past. I step out of the box and am ready to jump into the void—the unknown which will lead to freedom, joy, health, abundance and love…love…love!

Journal Entry: 12/20/07

Journal Entry: 12/20/07

Happy Birthday, Birthday Girl!

The day adds up to number 5—number of change. Hopefully this will be a day of change for the better. This is a new Bookjournal—for the first day of my new life! I will copy the notes from my last *I Ching reading: 1/2/17/07, to this journal—it indicates a change for the better for which I am so ready.

My truest birthday wishes:

  1. HEALTH! Fullness of health; to be disease-free; cancer-free; balanced; harmony of body-mind-spirit.
  2. WEALTH! An abundance of monetary blessings in an ever-increasing, never-ending flow from expected and unexpected sources.
  3. LOVE! Renewed relationships and a companion in love with whom to share my life from this day forward.
  4. FULFILLMENT OF MY SOUL’S FUNCTION AND PURPOSE—in service to and according to The Divine Plan. Full, conscious participation in my unique role in this here-now. Ever-increasing creative expression through my jewelry crafting, photography, writing, collage-making and any and all other means of expression that lie yet fallow, undiscovered and unexpressed by me.
  5. BLESSINGS AND ABUNDANCE in all things forever and ever!

My Birthday Prayer:

I live by God’s Grace and Divine Providence. I receive answers to all of my questions, challenges and dilemmas directly from the Godhead as I live this day in quiet peace and contentment. I am abundantly blessed in all things right here and now.

God, I ask You now and will wait to be shown the answer: Should I just go ahead with the chemo? Or is a study a better, safer choice? Please guide me in this for I am depending upon You, Mother-Father-God, Holy Mother Spirit and all of my Guides, Guards, Guardians, Orishas, Benevolent Spirits and Angels who surround me through this and all life challenges; guiding me safely through chaos and confusion to safety and fulfillment of my life’s mission here-now.

 Thank You. Așe.

And so, I start this day with a hot bowl of oatmeal. My belly needs warmth and nourishment as does my body and soul.

*I Ching Consultation from 12/17/07:

I seek to act in harmony with the energy, bearing and direction of the Cosmos and thus accomplish significant deeds instead of wasting my life away.

Question: What do I need to know/do now in order to be in harmony with the direction of the Cosmos? Thank You for a simple, easy-to-understand answer.

Hexagrams Drawn: #39, Obstacles changing into #46, Advancement/Pushing Upward

Changing Lines: 2 and 5

(See text for complete reading.)

5/9/11 Author’s Note: The I Ching or Book of Changes, like all oracles, is (to the best of my understanding and usage), a way of posing questions to one’s own Soul? Cosmic Intelligence? Essential Self? It provides a channel of communication and understanding from one’s inner world as regards one’s human existence. When approached with an open heart and mind, The I Ching provides exactly what one needs to know to advance one’s life in a way that is in harmony, balance and accordance with the Cosmos at that particular moment in time in which one throws the coins.

This author has received “right-on!” guidance and direction from The I Ching for the past thirty years. Highly recommended is the Richard Wilhelm Translation rendered into English by Gary F. Baynes; foreword by C.G. Jung; used in conjunction with The I Ching Workbook by R.L. Wing.

The author is pleased to answer questions regarding the use of the I Ching. Email inquiries to: orisha2012@yahoo.com.

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