one woman's journey to wholeness…

Archive for the ‘on death and dying’ Category

On Old Age…Disease and Dying…

044

Skyline at Sunset – Photograph by Toni Roberts

the essence of

Being

is

ENERGY

when one does not use ENERGY constructively…

living one’s purpose

a

purpose

higher

than the

wantsneeds...fears

of

the

Ego

this

ENERGY

this consciousintelligentpurposeful

ENERGY

this

FIRE…

that gives life to inert matter called flesh

begins its slow and oftentimes painful and years-long-withdrawal from the body

organ by organsymptom by symptomdisease by disease

robbing

the

flesh

of

the

fire

that

ignites

it…

until there is nothing left but a

useless

empty shell

to be

returned

to

the

Earth

to

the

Mother

from

which

it

was

born

 

http://toniroberts.imagekind.com

http://www.fineartamerica.com/artist/toni+roberts

https://www.facebook.com/gaiadaughters

 

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Some Thoughts On Old Age…Disease…And Dying…

Moon Shine

Moon Shine – Photo by Toni Roberts

 

The other day, during a telephone conversation (Yes, some of us still have telephone conversations…via landlines, no less.) an old friend of mine asked: “So what are you up to these days?” She had just finished describing her days of managing an “illness”—which she fully owned years ago—along with all the other obstacles and mundane matters of living in this world.

After listening to my list of daily activities, i.e., my daily spiritual practice; blogging, crafting one-of-a-kind necklaces; my attempts at creating a website—where I can sell these necklaces—plus my photography projects; and on and on and on. Poor thing I wanted to say to her, “No, my love. Keeping busy is what you do. I, on the other hand, am continuing to engage LIFE thus holding this body mind-soul back from that inevitable process of breaking down and withering away into dust…that process we call disease and dying…and which we anticipate happening to us when we reach what we humans call “old age.”  (And that varies with one’s mindset and lifestyle!)

But, of course, good breeding prevented me from saying any of that. Plus, I knew that I always had my Blog: https://toniroberts.wordpress.com and this Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/gaiadaughters in which to vent!

Thank you, for bearing with me. But please, think about it. How is it that some of us can move joyfully, healthily and actively into our seventies and eighties…while most others of us begin the disease and dying process, right-on-time, as if programmed to do so?

Comments are welcome!

Ah…and one more thing…before you start talking about DNA and genes…do a bit of research into the latest findings in the field of Epigenetics.

In Celebration Of The Winter Solstice…Season of Death And Re-birth…

2nd-set-davin-collage-4-21-15-038

The Davin Collage: Journey to Manhood; A Visual Portrait of the Life of Davin Adonis Roberts by His Grandmother, Toni Roberts

 

If parents are not supposed to lose children

Then grandparents

Sure as

Hell

Should not have to lose a grandchild!

As I’ve lost my

Beloved Davin

   But…

You know what?

This is life in a human-created world

And in a human-created world

SHIT HAPPENS

And so today

As I sit here in celebration of my

78th Year

In this human-created world

I turn my attention from

Death

To the Re-birth theme of this

Holy Season

And to the welcoming of my

New grandchild

Who has chosen to enter this world on

The day of Her Nana’s Birth!

Tis’ indeed

A Time of Letting Go

As I welcome New Life into the Family…

   Anyway…who knows?

LIFE

   Is very tricky sometimes…

   Perhaps…

   Just…perhaps…

The arrival of my new

Beloved

On the day of my own birth

is a sign from my

Dearly Departed

that

   He’s back…

  

On Death By Suicide…

river post davin 3 18 16 012

River…Post-Davin; photo by Toni Roberts; copyright 2016

the loss of my beloved grandson

who last month

at the tender age of twenty-one

exercised

free will

his by divine right

and chose to exit this world quickly…

via a bullet to the head...

Got me thinking about

death by suicide…

and how all humans leave this realm

via death by suicide

   consciously…by their own hand

or unconsciously…

blaming their leave-taking on Fate or “God…”

forgetting that we are all creatures of

free will

   and that nothing

not even death is imposed upon us by some

mysterious all-powerful Force

It is we who knowingly or unknowingly

create these painful, ghastly, unimaginable  dis-eases

that debilitate and devour our our bodies

system by system…

organ by organ…

in a slow death by suicide...

Indeed…by the use or misuse of free will…

all death is by our daily decisions and choices

although my heart breaks at the thought of the degree of unendurable psychic pain

that drove my beloved to so quickly end this earthly sojourn…

this shared here-now…

I grant him his right of

conscious exercise of 

free-will…

And I here-now bless the Essence of the boy-man I so loved

on Its continued journey

Spent All Day Photographing The River And…

river 1 16 16 068

Photo by Toni Roberts 1/16/16

   weeping...

releasing deep pain

I didn’t know remained

      within

river 1 16 16 081

Photo by Toni Roberts 1/16/16

probably brushing it aside

in prayer and meditation

   whenever it came up…

as if the release of psychic pain

   is not an ongoing job…

river 1 16 16 046

Photo by Toni Roberts 1/16/16

   and so…

I have given myself this entire week

   OFF…

Saturday to Saturday

vacation

retreat

seclusion

no business

   no telephone calls…

river 1 16 16 092

Photo by Toni Roberts 1/16/16

 

   just the

   river

   my

   tears…

and

this profound sense of

   mourning

for whom?

or what?

   can’t name it…

   only know that a part of me…

a

heavy load

I’ve carried deep within my heart

since the beginning of

   memory

   can now be released…

during this week of

vacation

retreat

   letting go...

this week of

   death…

and

    dying things

The Bittersweet Harvest of Fall…

autumn river

autumn river

red yellow green gold orange rust

bright glorious muted

shades of Autumn

reflections of my inner state

harvest…birth

of the last of the magic

of springtime seeds

deeply planted

in rich inner soil

tilled by hands of

love devotion patience obedience

autumn river two

autumn river two

cornucopia of golden riches

fruit of hard labor joyous pain

painful joy…

born of the bittersweet chaos of

lusty summer abundance

autumn river three

autumn river three

autumn river four

autumn river four

even as my heart embraces

the joy of late fall harvest

it begins its journey of death…

departure to the underworld…

season of trees laid bare

heavily laden with

snow that covers a

cold and barren land…

my time of stillness

of listening in the dark silence

of the Deep

to Her Whispered Plans

of coming spring

with summer riding on

its wings…

rebirth…

thus the cycle continues

in a never-ending

spiral

of

joy

pain

death

rebirth…

the bittersweet exquisiteness

of this experience called

human life on planet earth

Farewell to Ayanna Guyhto…My Beloved Niece…

Yana and bijou 2012They took my beloved Ayanna off of life support today. The body is slowly shutting down. I can no longer say her body because I sense her soul has already returned to the Meeting Place: that SpaceTime wherein we make our plans for the next excursion to flesh bodies

I weep–not for my beloved–for she is free

I weep for myself

For the heavy ache of her absence

I weep for the loss of that bubbly personality…

And the shared jokes that only she and I got

I am already missing the Emails…

And the telephone conversations

In which we dared to reveal to one another

Parts of ourselves ordinarily kept hidden

I miss the easy going intimacy we shared…

And the trust

You hold a piece of my heart baby-girl…

And I will always treasure the part of you

That you left behind…as memories

I will always treasure the uniqueness of the daughter-from-another-mother relationship we shared in this go-round as spirits-in-flesh. And although I so look forward to our reunion on the Other Side, I am in no hurry to leave this crazy Third-Dimension that we both so thoroughly enjoy. I will continue drumming my ass off every Saturday–hoping the reverberations reach all the way to Wherever you are. I will walk my mile a day–take my supplements and eat organic–in the care of this holy temple.  I will continue plunging fully into the exquisite joy of living. I will squeeze every drop of Love that I can–into each day–just as you did–beloved baby-girl–

Niece…daughter of my heart

I bid you adieu, sweet one…A Dios…See ya’…

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