one woman's journey to wholeness…

Archive for the ‘life cycles’ Category

The Last Blossoms…

blossom in november cell 003

The Last Blossoms Of Summer- Photo by Toni Roberts

 

evoke a kind of sadness

 

blossom in november cell 015

Summer Blossoms In November – Photo by Toni Roberts

 

summer’s lush beauty

fading in the early fall light…

 

blossom in november cell 048

 

autumn death

reclaiming all evidence of

   life

of

   joy

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Advertisements

Some Thoughts On Old Age…Disease…And Dying…

Moon Shine

Moon Shine – Photo by Toni Roberts

 

The other day, during a telephone conversation (Yes, some of us still have telephone conversations…via landlines, no less.) an old friend of mine asked: “So what are you up to these days?” She had just finished describing her days of managing an “illness”—which she fully owned years ago—along with all the other obstacles and mundane matters of living in this world.

After listening to my list of daily activities, i.e., my daily spiritual practice; blogging, crafting one-of-a-kind necklaces; my attempts at creating a website—where I can sell these necklaces—plus my photography projects; and on and on and on. Poor thing I wanted to say to her, “No, my love. Keeping busy is what you do. I, on the other hand, am continuing to engage LIFE thus holding this body mind-soul back from that inevitable process of breaking down and withering away into dust…that process we call disease and dying…and which we anticipate happening to us when we reach what we humans call “old age.”  (And that varies with one’s mindset and lifestyle!)

But, of course, good breeding prevented me from saying any of that. Plus, I knew that I always had my Blog: https://toniroberts.wordpress.com and this Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/gaiadaughters in which to vent!

Thank you, for bearing with me. But please, think about it. How is it that some of us can move joyfully, healthily and actively into our seventies and eighties…while most others of us begin the disease and dying process, right-on-time, as if programmed to do so?

Comments are welcome!

Ah…and one more thing…before you start talking about DNA and genes…do a bit of research into the latest findings in the field of Epigenetics.

In Other Words…

rehab grounds 8 30 15 038.JPG

Photo by Toni Roberts

the

question

is the

key

that

opens

the

   door…

once the question has been asked

the questioner must remain

   silent and alert…

so as not to miss the opportunity...

   once the door swings open…

to enter a heretofore

   dark…

   hidden…

   unexplored…

room

of

the

   mansion…

a room filled to capacity with

un-imagined

treasures…

Toni Roberts’ Artwork and Photography are available at:

http://www.cafepress.com/DaughtersofGaia

http://www.cafepress.com/orishatreasures

http://www.fineartamerica.com/art/all/toni+roberts/all

http://toniroberts.imagekind.com

Since I Now Know…

rehab grounds 8 30 15 059

Photo by Toni Roberts

 

that the

answer

is contained

within the

   question…

   I simply

ask…

   lean back…

   relax…

and say

YES

to the

      LETTING GO ENERGY…

Toni Roberts’ Artwork and Photography are available at:

http://www.cafepress.com/DaughtersofGaia

http://www.cafepress.com/orishatreasures

http://www.fineartamerica.com/art/all/toni+roberts/all

http://toniroberts.imagekind.com

On Death By Suicide…

river post davin 3 18 16 012

River…Post-Davin; photo by Toni Roberts; copyright 2016

the loss of my beloved grandson

who last month

at the tender age of twenty-one

exercised

free will

his by divine right

and chose to exit this world quickly…

via a bullet to the head...

Got me thinking about

death by suicide…

and how all humans leave this realm

via death by suicide

   consciously…by their own hand

or unconsciously…

blaming their leave-taking on Fate or “God…”

forgetting that we are all creatures of

free will

   and that nothing

not even death is imposed upon us by some

mysterious all-powerful Force

It is we who knowingly or unknowingly

create these painful, ghastly, unimaginable  dis-eases

that debilitate and devour our our bodies

system by system…

organ by organ…

in a slow death by suicide...

Indeed…by the use or misuse of free will…

all death is by our daily decisions and choices

although my heart breaks at the thought of the degree of unendurable psychic pain

that drove my beloved to so quickly end this earthly sojourn…

this shared here-now…

I grant him his right of

conscious exercise of 

free-will…

And I here-now bless the Essence of the boy-man I so loved

on Its continued journey

SURRENDER…

clouds 10 18 15 033

Photo by Toni Roberts

 

IS

A

BITCH!

Spent All Day Photographing The River And…

river 1 16 16 068

Photo by Toni Roberts 1/16/16

   weeping...

releasing deep pain

I didn’t know remained

      within

river 1 16 16 081

Photo by Toni Roberts 1/16/16

probably brushing it aside

in prayer and meditation

   whenever it came up…

as if the release of psychic pain

   is not an ongoing job…

river 1 16 16 046

Photo by Toni Roberts 1/16/16

   and so…

I have given myself this entire week

   OFF…

Saturday to Saturday

vacation

retreat

seclusion

no business

   no telephone calls…

river 1 16 16 092

Photo by Toni Roberts 1/16/16

 

   just the

   river

   my

   tears…

and

this profound sense of

   mourning

for whom?

or what?

   can’t name it…

   only know that a part of me…

a

heavy load

I’ve carried deep within my heart

since the beginning of

   memory

   can now be released…

during this week of

vacation

retreat

   letting go...

this week of

   death…

and

    dying things

Farewell to Ayanna Guyhto…My Beloved Niece…

Yana and bijou 2012They took my beloved Ayanna off of life support today. The body is slowly shutting down. I can no longer say her body because I sense her soul has already returned to the Meeting Place: that SpaceTime wherein we make our plans for the next excursion to flesh bodies

I weep–not for my beloved–for she is free

I weep for myself

For the heavy ache of her absence

I weep for the loss of that bubbly personality…

And the shared jokes that only she and I got

I am already missing the Emails…

And the telephone conversations

In which we dared to reveal to one another

Parts of ourselves ordinarily kept hidden

I miss the easy going intimacy we shared…

And the trust

You hold a piece of my heart baby-girl…

And I will always treasure the part of you

That you left behind…as memories

I will always treasure the uniqueness of the daughter-from-another-mother relationship we shared in this go-round as spirits-in-flesh. And although I so look forward to our reunion on the Other Side, I am in no hurry to leave this crazy Third-Dimension that we both so thoroughly enjoy. I will continue drumming my ass off every Saturday–hoping the reverberations reach all the way to Wherever you are. I will walk my mile a day–take my supplements and eat organic–in the care of this holy temple.  I will continue plunging fully into the exquisite joy of living. I will squeeze every drop of Love that I can–into each day–just as you did–beloved baby-girl–

Niece…daughter of my heart

I bid you adieu, sweet one…A Dios…See ya’…

On Death…Dying…Souls Leaving Without Saying Good-bye…Tears…Laughter and Drumming For My Life In Marcus Garvey Park…

souls leaving without saying good-bye…

Spoke to my old college buddy, M., this morning.

Her husband, C., keeled over and died in the middle of their conversation

in their hotel room

in Atlantic City

Friday morning.

There he was one minute yammering away

and then he was gone

in

a

split

second.

M. was asking him from the bathroom,

having just gotten out of the shower herself,

if he was going to shower next or

wait until morning?

“Now.” He answers her. “I can smell myself.”

Then...thud

She hears what sounds like something dropping on the floor

in the next room.

And sure enough…

something had dropped on the floor…

her husband.

He was stone, cold dead.

That makes me weep.

I weep not

for my friend, M.

nor for her husband, C.

I weep because life is so fragile…

so temporary…

so uncertain.

As I sit here at my window altar

writing these words,

I have no way of knowing if they will be my last

and if in a week or so

my daughter will  be using her

emergency key to enter my apartment

to dispose of my rotting, stinking body

after my soul had up and decided to leave today

without even saying good-bye.

That thought makes makes me laugh…

And think.

And I am then filled with gratitude

another beautiful day of life…

for having left this apartment yesterday

to meet up with my Sister Drum Slut, Y.

in Marcus Garvey Park

where I drummed my ass off

along with a handful of diehard drummers

squeezing in as much drumming as we can

before fall turns to winter

and it’s just too damn cold

to sit out there in the park

drumming for hours as if

our lives depended upon it.

And they do…

our lives…

depend upon it…

at least mine does…

We drummed as if our spirits

would up and leave

without

saying

good-bye…

if we didn’t drum for our lives…

Behind Every Cloud…

One of the things that makes life so thrilling and exciting

is that I know–that behind

every mystery…

every fear and unanswered question…

behind every dark, ominous cloud

behind every cloud…

no matter how bleak and threatening it may appear…

behind every cloud (two)…

the sun shines brilliantly…

clouds are temporary…

they pass

with or without

releasing their cleansing waters…

behind every cloud (three)…

but the sun–the sun is forever…

permanent…steady…never-failing…constant and consistent..

omnipresent

omniscient...

omnipotent

Life-Giving…

revealing gift after gift

to surprised and unsuspecting eyes…

replacing the hum-drum repetitive sameness

of an ego-driven existence

with the joy of

unexpected

fulfillment

of

of one’s deepest

most secret

dreams and desires...

Tag Cloud

%d bloggers like this: