one woman's journey to wholeness…

Archive for the ‘fear’ Category

Today, I Found Freedom…

artwork river 10 14 14 085

Freedom – Pencil Drawing/Photo by Toni Roberts

by letting go of

fear

and

preference

In Other Words…

rehab grounds 8 30 15 038.JPG

Photo by Toni Roberts

the

question

is the

key

that

opens

the

   door…

once the question has been asked

the questioner must remain

   silent and alert…

so as not to miss the opportunity...

   once the door swings open…

to enter a heretofore

   dark…

   hidden…

   unexplored…

room

of

the

   mansion…

a room filled to capacity with

un-imagined

treasures…

Toni Roberts’ Artwork and Photography are available at:

http://www.cafepress.com/DaughtersofGaia

http://www.cafepress.com/orishatreasures

http://www.fineartamerica.com/art/all/toni+roberts/all

http://toniroberts.imagekind.com

Revelation III…

energy vortex...

energy vortex…

I am learning to accept myself as

an energy vortex…

that is both

receiver

and

sender…

an awakened consciousness

slowly coming back

online

a creator

creating form in the 3-D world

according to the

frequencies emitted

by my individual consciousness...

I am learning that this energy system

that

I am

needs constant care and attention

in the forms of

stillness

silence

inner focus

and ever-constant

self

examination…

I am learning that it is my

right

and

duty

to design and co-create

my life…

I am learning that  it is my obligation to humanity

to cease contributing personal vibrations of

powerlessness

and

fear

into the mass thought-form

and to utilize the unlimited, neutral

field of potential energy

in which we

live

move

and

have our being

to create the world in which I desire to live…

I am learning to rise above my ego-personality and its fear-based needs

in order to fulfill a greater need:

a Cosmic need…

a Cosmic fulfillment of

I know not what…?

However–

I am also learning that I came here-now

uncoerced

and in agreement

to play the exact role that I am playing

in

ITS

fulfillment…

 

Revelation II…

davin  me 1 4 2013 003

Sitting here at my window altar

in meditation…

contemplation…

thoughts drifting

in

and

out

of

consciousness:

Fear  is the mind-killer

words of the

Bene Gesserit

from

Frank Herbert’s

Dune

echo in my mind…

and I

apprehend

in

that deep place of vitality

at the center of my being

that there is only love and fear

and by always choosing love over fear

regardless

of

what

appears

before

me

in

the

3-D world

I shall pass unscathed

through all danger…

my inner connection is

my only security…

therein lay my

power

“Altared” States Five…

“altared” states…

As I sit here daily

“altared” at my altar

I am discovering that there is, indeed, Something here in my heart

that responds to me intelligently and oh, so lovingly

as I push valiantly along this path of no signs.

I have  HELPERS  as real as you and I…

whose words of wisdom and truth

keep me faith-filled and grounded:

God is in charge.

The only sane choice ever…in all matters…is to wait for God to act first.

Keep your focus off of that which you desire.

Turn your attention ever-inward to the Christ Indwelling…

to that “Place” within from which True Life and all Being unfolds.

Remember–you are only a vessel…an instrument…

the vehicle and not the driver…the clay and not the sculptor.

 In this endlessly unfolding human drama…

you are neither playwright nor director…

you are merely an actor…and a bit part player, at that. 

 When you can be perfectly at peace with these Truths of your being…

when you are able to “chop wood and haul water” with joy and gratitude

for being so privileged as to be so used by the Creator

then and only then will you experience peace beyond understanding and

yeah, that kind of rich” abundance.

Remove your attention from the world of form and

keep it glued to the Power which underlies

all that you see.

I  thank you, my Inner TeachersAspects of my Greater Self.

I pledge to You the same faithfulness and constancy that you show me

day by day, step by step as I move prayerfully and cautiously through this  life.

And although I cannot see, touch or hear you with my physical senses

I know that You are indeed, with me always

in all ways.

I know beyond a shadow of doubt

that as I continue seeking the “kingdom” within…

all else shall be added unto me.

Ashe.

The Promise of Light…

sometimes my world is unbelievably bleak…

enveloped in darkness…

out of balance…off-kilter…

but yet…within the very darkness

is hope…

the promise of light

Awakening…Gratitude…

awakening…

It began with guilt. I could not summon up the energy–the will–to go out into this oppressive,  New York-in-August-heat to visit my ninety-two year old; “Alzheimer-ed” mother.

I do wish to do right by her instead of just being what she deserves–what she has sown.

Found myself forgiving her–again–for all of those things real and imagined that I’m still holding against her thus preventing the full influx of God Power.

I forgive you, mother. God forgives you. Forgive yourself and thus release your troubled soul–freeing it to journey back HOME where we shall surely meet again.

And in the next lifetime–should there be another lifetime for each or either of us–let us come together in peace, tolerance and love…

I release us both  from all that came before this awakening…

I release us to the Love of God.

celebration of gratitude…

I am so thankful that I am not the boss of this life

The I that I AM takes back control from the frightened, conditioned Ego…

This Ego that refuses to accept…to submit to Something Higher than Itself…

This Ego that has assigned Itself the role of directing  human consciousness

This Ego Who, with false Pride and Iron Hand maintains the illusion of personal control

 

Good-bye Pride…

Adios, Ego…

I bid you both adieu

As I bow down before

The Anointed One

Whom I am here to serve

As holy instrument and

Divine vehicle of Love…

An unsullied vessel through which

peace, light and healing may flow…

Blessing this life I call mine

Plus the lives of all…

In and out of the flesh

Whose energy touches mine

 

I hereby release all the deceptions, fear-based beliefs and

Conditioning of this world as I slowly and gratefully awaken to

Truth and Reality

A Little Birdie Told Me…

a little birdie told me…

A little birdie–or maybe it wasn’t a little birdie–

but a big-ass pigeon–

landed on my windowsill this morning;

a brazen, little beast was he.

He didn’t shy–or fly away when I came up to the window–

but stood his ground.

“Hey, pigeon,” I asked,

“What message did you come to deliver to me?”

I then sat

in silence

before the window

and listened.

Sure enough, after a long silent while

my Messenger Pigeon began to speak:

“Slow down. Be cool fool. Chill Mill. You are on a journey of evolution. This is a process of becoming. I know, nothing is going your way. None of the things, events, circumstances for which you lust are manifesting. You must understand that NO THING that is not in alignment with your Divine Purposecan manifest.  You have already committed to The One. You’ve already turned over…surrendered the remainder of this incarnation to That Which Caused you–as you know yourself–into being. Period.

“You are AT-ONE. The Atonement is complete; solid. We are here and you are aware of our Presence.

“Fear not. That is your last stumbling block: Fear.  But as We continue demonstrating to you in the world of form–that so mesmerizes you who are caught up in the human drama-myth of separation–that there is NO THING TO FEAR FOR WE ARE WITH YOU–the fear will dissipate. It will lose its hold on your mind as your belief in the validity of the 3-D-world-of-form begins to loosen its stronghold on your mind.

“Take five, my dear! Give yourself a break. Rest. Back-off. Relax. Let. Allow. Relinquish that false sense of control.

“I’m off now, Dearie. Got a few more messages to deliver before returning HOME.

“Don’t you be jealous, now, dear child. One day, you too will be flying HOME. However, for now, you’ve got work to do…wood to chopwater to haul…all of it sacred work.”

An Open Letter to My Frightened Inner Child

My little One…

I am so sorry

I forgot about you

Forgot that you are always with me

that you are a part of me

a self within this Self that I AM

You’ve been feeling frightened…

helpless…

I know…

hey, little girl...i'm here...

Well, no more, my love

I am here and I am strong and courageous

There are no boogeymen  who can get me

I am safe

And I am your protector

I am not your parents, no…

I am nothing like your violent, abusive, alcoholic father

who terrorized you and your brother and your mother

for all of those long, frightening years…

hey, little one...you are safe now...

I am not your abused child-mother

who had not the inner or outer resources

to protect herself…

much less her two violated children

I am strong for I have

the strength of God flowing through

the blood…sinews…soul

of this body-mind

I am courageous because I know…

from living it

that no harm comes to me

when I am consciously cocooned in

GRACE

Come, little one…

walk by my side

Place your hand in mine

and thus we walk together

you and I and  the Christ-Spirit

Who walks by my side

clasping my hand…

At times lifting me up

to carry me over danger

We now have safe passage

you and I

through this

man-created world…

Come, my love…

give me your hand

Be at peace…

I gotcha!

Autumn…Season of Death

river at autumn

 

river at autumn II

 

Autumn…Season of Death

I sit here gazing out at my river…allowing my mind to drift along with its flow. I am reminded by the changing colors of the trees that summer has, indeed, passed; and like the trees on the far shore of the river, I, too, am undergoing a season of change…a season of death.

Unlike years prior, I am experiencing this season of death not with sadness and gloom but with a quiet joy in my heart because now, in this season of my maturity, I am experiencing death and rebirth simultaneously.

Who? What is dying? And how can I rejoice over the death of any part of self?

She who would hold me back on this journey of at-one-ment is gone. The fear-driven, doubting, ego-personality-self; the one who trusted nothing—no one—but her own blind, limited, ignorant-of-the-truth-self has passed away…

She’s been burned to ash in the fires of initiation; and from those ashes, my new, Christ-infused-Soul now arises.

The Sacred Marriage has taken place; my soul has taken a bridegroom—the Bridegroom.

Yang and Yin have been joined together. The Holy Couple now rule this body, mind, soul…life.

I AM renewed, rebuilt, restored as the God Seed takes root and flowers into new being.

My life is now lived under the authority of the GodWoman within to whom responsibility has been transferred. Instead of attempting work out (in my tired, little brain) every matter that gives me pause, I have given Her full permission to be my response in every matter and aspect of my life.

When I am brutally honest with myself, I am forced to admit that I, the “i” that is communicating these thoughts, does not have a clue as to what this “third dimension” of Reality and the myriad forms contained within it should look like. Therefore, I have returned responsibility for this life—individual and collective—to its rightful “Owner—that which is responsible for the creation and maintenance of the entire universe and all of its contents—including us confused humans.

My life is becoming a celebration of the demise of ruler-ship of the flesh and the triumphant restoration of the ruler-ship of what we humans perceive as the Divinity underlying all creation.

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