one woman's journey to wholeness…

Archive for the ‘experimental photography’ Category

Watching The River Flow…

watching the river flow...

watching the river flow

Another day of

sitting here in my favorite spot…

watching the river flow.

Slowly.

Easily.

Peacefully.

Effortlessly pressing forward

despite the disturbance

less than two minutes ago

caused by

three water scooters racing

along its surface.

I wonder…

had the river not been disturbed by those scooters,

wouldn’t it now be calm? At peace?

Its movement imperceptible to my eyes?

Is what I perceive as a disturbance

as a negative occurrence–

in truth–neither good nor bad

as regards the life of the river?

The boys have had their fun

and the river, now adjusting to the “disturbance”

is slowly falling back into equilibrium…

into its natural rhythm.

The “disturbance” has not in the least

veered the river from its steady course or

made it different from what it is.

And so, I take a lesson this day from the river

and allow  every person, event, experience, emotion and

appearance-of-the-moment

to pass through me as easily

as those  boys passed through the river below…

leaving it ultimately untouched, undisturbed

and pressing ever forward

in an unobstructed flow

towards its destiny.

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My Love Team and I…

It felt so good

reaching out this weekend

to touch

those

whom

I

love…

All of my “sister-friends”

and male counterparts who are

animus to my anima

Strong beings of like spirit

indomitable warriors

who never give up or lose hope…

Women and men who have learned from life

that morning always follows night

that rainbows appear

after the most frightening of storms…

that new life follows

the bloody, backbreaking,

vagina-tearing pain of

childbirth…

I am so grateful for this love-team…

some of us having

looked major, boogie-men killers:

like cancer…strokes..heart attacks

straight in the eye–

defying self and societal conditioning–

making the so-called, killer,

blink first…

And now, my love-team and I

march on through Life

persevering and steadfast

laughing, dancing, dreaming, drumming…earning doctorate degrees

taking on new lovers

Never looking back…

oblivious to our contemporaries

who fall by the wayside

brought down by their belief

in sickness and

old

    age…

A Day of Gratitude and Understanding…

rising…rising…ever rising…

What joy!

Am learning to give this life I call “mine” back to Life: it’s rightful “Owner”

Thank You…Life

for this sense of peace, safety, love, security, assurance

which arises from a place

deep within The Mystery

assuring me that all is well…

that You now flow freely…unobstructed in, as and through me…

as the True Author of this

ever-changing…ever-evolving

experience

called the life of Toni Roberts…

I now see shape and purpose

in the daily unfolding of a journey

that began before the beginning of time...

I am re-membering what “i” came here knowing…

even then in the ignorant, pain-filled innocence

of childhood…adolescence…young adulthood…

even then I knew

at some deep

essential

level of being…

the purpose of this journey…

I now understand:

it is through the of deep wounds

of the soul…

that Light passes through

and with that Light

Love

long held down…repressed by Fear

Love

bubbling up to the surface of being…

transforming

a chaotic…badly constructed…and purposeless

Idiot’s Tale called human life on planet earth

into

the experience of

channeling Life

from the inside out

The Promise of Light…

sometimes my world is unbelievably bleak…

enveloped in darkness…

out of balance…off-kilter…

but yet…within the very darkness

is hope…

the promise of light

More Gratitude and Insights…

the miracle of each new day…

I’m at my window altar in a state of gratitude: I have a roof over my head; central air-conditioning; good food in my belly; clean, oxygenated water to drink; supplements, fresh fruit; organic chicken wings thawing out in the kitchen for the meal I’ll prepare when I get hungry again. Does it get any better? Can it get any better in this one moment of peace and fulfillment of my immediate needs?

Perhaps that is precisely what I need to learn by practice: staying in the NOW–in the one and only moment in which I am acutely aware of having all that I need for fullness of contentment and joy. If I move one second–one millimeter “ahead” into a “future,”I then experience deprivationlack...being in need of

flowers growing in the land of imagination…

So…therefore…if my sense of lack…of not having my needs met…is experienced only when I allow my mind/imagination to wander from the PRESENT NOW MOMENT into a “future time“: a non-three-dimensional space-time that only exists in my mind-imagination, then, the very sense of lack or need that I experience is too an illusion…as illusionary as the non-existent future created by my mental projections.

the intersecting worlds of mind-imagination…

at the border…

And so, today I make a conscious choice to discipline my mind-imagination, keeping it focused in the HERE-NOW; for the HERE-NOW  is the only reality of existence. I now choose to maintain a constant “frame of mind” that is focused on inner listening…on the goings-on of the internal world. It takes an almost superhuman effort to resist the fascination…the addiction to what is happening in the external world. It is with great effort that I will remain vigilant, roping in my forever wandering mind-imagination and returning it Home.

I am beginning to get a sense of how the mind-imagination…human consciousness–individually and collectively– creates a whole “universe” outside of where we truly exist…

There’s more to come…I sense it just at the border…

Awakening…Gratitude…

awakening…

It began with guilt. I could not summon up the energy–the will–to go out into this oppressive,  New York-in-August-heat to visit my ninety-two year old; “Alzheimer-ed” mother.

I do wish to do right by her instead of just being what she deserves–what she has sown.

Found myself forgiving her–again–for all of those things real and imagined that I’m still holding against her thus preventing the full influx of God Power.

I forgive you, mother. God forgives you. Forgive yourself and thus release your troubled soul–freeing it to journey back HOME where we shall surely meet again.

And in the next lifetime–should there be another lifetime for each or either of us–let us come together in peace, tolerance and love…

I release us both  from all that came before this awakening…

I release us to the Love of God.

celebration of gratitude…

I am so thankful that I am not the boss of this life

The I that I AM takes back control from the frightened, conditioned Ego…

This Ego that refuses to accept…to submit to Something Higher than Itself…

This Ego that has assigned Itself the role of directing  human consciousness

This Ego Who, with false Pride and Iron Hand maintains the illusion of personal control

 

Good-bye Pride…

Adios, Ego…

I bid you both adieu

As I bow down before

The Anointed One

Whom I am here to serve

As holy instrument and

Divine vehicle of Love…

An unsullied vessel through which

peace, light and healing may flow…

Blessing this life I call mine

Plus the lives of all…

In and out of the flesh

Whose energy touches mine

 

I hereby release all the deceptions, fear-based beliefs and

Conditioning of this world as I slowly and gratefully awaken to

Truth and Reality

In the Midst of Darkness…

In the Midst of Darkness…

the clouds break

and a rainbow shines through

a sign from the Heavens

that despite  appearances

all is Good

God is in the house

making promises of a tomorrow

that wipes away the pain

of today

The Mist…

my river is hidden in a sea of mist…

like my life

everything covered…

hidden

shrouded in mystery and uncertainty

as much as I strain

 I cannot see past the mist to that which is invisible…

not for me to see

or know

and so I am forced into Patience

into sitting here in contemplation of the mist

waiting in Time

the medium through which

the Creator works

I’ve Found My Rhythm…

I’ve found my beat

One day out…

The next day in…

One day in the world with its

cares and tears…

The next day…

For me…

My body…my mind…my heart…my soul…

My healing

One hour out followed by one hour in…alone…

quiet…still…connected to

My Source of  being…

One moment out–the next in

One with Life…Self…God

out in out in out in out in out in out in...

Like my very breath…

I’ve found my rhythm

I’ve found my beat…

Self-Reflection…

Self-Reflection...

 

Looking within…

Thinking about self…

Reflecting…

Navel gazing…

Wondering…

Rejoicing…

Gratefully being…

Snow falling…

Winter…

Beauty…

Loving being here-now…

Loving being me here-now…

Happy living in interesting times

Finding it a blessing and not a curse…

Ain’t life just crazy GRAND?

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