one woman's journey to wholeness…

Archive for the ‘disease’ Category

On Overcoming Dis-Ease…

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All Boxed-In! – Photographed Washington Square Park, NYC by Toni Roberts

The question I ask my ailments is: What have you come to teach me?

The last time I initiated such a conversation was a few weeks ago when I noticed stiffness, pain and discomfort in my right knee.

Upon being questioned the knee answered:

“Get off your ass and go back to walking a mile a day! And puleeze, try to be more flexible and adaptable with people—and in your acceptance of life in general. You do realize, don’t you, that the world is not made in the image of Toni Roberts!?”

And so…In addition to changing my attitude…I got up off my lazy butt; bundled up against the bitter cold, New York City-wind-chill temperatures in the low 20s; and ventured outdoors. Well…perhaps I haven’t been doing the whole mile each day but I have been doing at least ¼ of a mile before heading to the Stop & Shop for my reward…

And as you would know it, one day recently, while walking against the push of the icy winds, I noticed that the right knee had stopped hurting…

I’ve been using this process of questioning physical and emotional pain or discomfort for a whole lot of years. It has not kept me free from all human ailments. That’s not the point. What I have discovered is that pain…diseases…even cancer…any and all discomforts and imbalances of  mind-body-soul…are the direct result of a disconnect  on our part, with the Energetic Frequency which underlies and maintains the balanced, harmonious, homeostatic equilibrium of the mind-body-spirit collective that we humans call “my body.” In Truth, it is neither “my” body nor “my” life. These “bodies” are manifestations of a Creative Energetic Intelligence that has Its own Mysterious Purpose. (Yeah…I know your Pastor has all the answers!) We humans are Its tools for the accomplishment of that Unknown Purpose. And surprise, surprise! We are not here to serve ourselves but as servants to that which has caused us into being.

When I am consciously in alignment with this Great Mystery of Life I am ageless being and whenever I fall out of alignment through errors of thought, belief or action; my imbalance manifests as dis-harmony and dis-ease of the body, mind or soul.

And when I am in-alignment how glorious and wondrous this existence becomes…and surprisingly without any conscious effort on my part…

Put that in your pipe and smoke it!

 

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A Little Something I Have Learned About Disease…

altar-view-028

Contemplation – Photo by Toni Roberts

    or

physical ailments

of any kind…

   by any name:

pharmaceuticals

cannot

heal

the

psychic-emotional

pain

at the root of

all

body-mind-spirit

   in-balances

and

      dis-harmonies

that manifest on the physical level as:

   dis-ease…

the specific disease by whatever name along with whatever symptoms

is simply a

messenger

from the

   soul

   a

call

to look

   within

   as we all well know…

  killing the messenger

      will never solve the problem…

As a Tribal Elder…One who has lived in this flesh body for seventy-eight years…I offer this insight as food for thought…to all of my sisters everywhere who are suffering in pain; and who have accepted the belief that pharmaceuticals can heal the wounds of mind, body and spirit that we have suffered through the ages…and continue to suffer…along with our beloved Gaia…as females of the species.

 

 

“Rainy Days & Sundays…”

rainy day river 001

Rainy…River…Day; Photo by Toni Roberts

 

Nothing like a rainy day to turn one’s attention inward…

I was sitting here at my window altar

Exploring

Heart

   Soul…

and

Consciousness

When I uncovered tiny pockets of

Anger

Sadness

and

Rage

   That remained

Hidden

Within the dark recesses of my being…

   Buried…

   Stinking…

SHIT

Some of it dating back to childhood

   (And we all know how long ago that was!)…

Oh, how well I know

and remember

How

Unexpressed

Anger

Sadness

and

Rage

   Can…

   Will…

Eventually manifest in the

Flesh

as

   Disease…

And so…

On this rainy day

I got busy with the necessary

   Inner Work

Scrubbing

Cleansing

Mopping up

Vacuuming

Clearing

and

Cleaning out

The tons of stinking…festering…rotting

   SHIT…

I unloaded every speck that I could find of that

Inner Garbage

So that I may walk

Free

Clear

Light

   Unburdened

By yesterday’s pain

   Into tomorrow’s sunshine

Mother Moon…In The Fullness Of Her Lover’s Light…

Photo by Toni Roberts

Photo by Toni Roberts

Fills me with

Insight

and

New Understanding

Photo by Toni Roberts

Photo by Toni Roberts

I release to

HER

All that which lay

Festering

and

Rotting

within

Dark and hidden corners of my heart

Photo by Toni Roberts

Photo by Toni Roberts

Waiting to become tomorrow’s

   Breast

Cancer

   Recurrence...

I gratefully and gracefully

Release

and

Bury

the

Old

Dead

Self

As I prepare to be

Born

   Anew

Toni Roberts’ Artwork and Photography May Be Viewed & Purchased at:

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http://toniroberts.imagekind.com

In Addition to Insanity…

Photo by Toni Roberts

Photo by Toni Roberts

 

Creativity

Is also the antidote to:

Aging

Disease

Memory loss

And a whole lot of other

Culture-created

Debilities

and

   Oddities of BE-ing

Creativity! Try it! Buy it! Share it!

http://www.cafepress.com/DaughtersofGaia

http://www.cafepress.com/orishatreasures

http://toniroberts.imagekind.com

http://www.fineartamerica.com/art/all/toni+roberts/all

Meditation On Diseases Of Old Age…Death & Dying…

Grandmother Tree; Central Park, NYC; Photo by Toni Roberts

Grandmother Tree; Central Park, NYC; Photo by Toni Roberts

 

It occurs to me that

Death

As a human condition

   Is self-determined

That we each reach a period in Time

   Some sooner than others…

   When we cease to dream

Cease to re-imagine ourselves more wondrous…

   We cease to believe…

   For whatever reasons…

That we can manifest our deepest dreams and desires

   In this lifetime…

We cease to imagine ourselves greater

We cease creating and re-creating

Self and Life

Indeed, we surrender the belief in our ability to

So do

Via the agency of human imagination…

And thus

On some deep level of being

We surrender this

Life

Body

Mind

And gradually

   Organ by organ…

   In a process we name disease…

The body breaks down as the

Soul

Prepares to take flight

To another Time of Being

To another Here-Now

Where it continues its journey of

Evolution

to

Eternal

Lightness of

   Being…

Join me. Come out as a Daughter of Gaia!

http://www.wordpress.com/DaughtersofGaia

http://www.wordpress.com/orishatreasures

Today…

cloud gazing...

cloud gazing…

Today

I give the world and its cares to

“God…”

or Whatever it is that holds the

sun and moon and stars

in place…

making sure that they arrive at their appointed places

in Time…

Today

I release the challenges, pain and fears of yesterday

I give them back to That Which Knows

from whence they came and why…

cloud gazing II...

cloud gazing II…

Today

I focus on who and what I am and

why I came…

I focus on emptying my mind of all but the peace

I am experiencing

sitting here at my altar

watching the clouds as they drift slowly across the bluest of skies

shape-shifting

as they roll slowly along their way…

Today

I learn to shape-shift like the clouds above…

adapting…adjusting and re-adjusting…

bending to the winds of Heaven

so as not to break

cloud gazing III...

cloud gazing III…

Today

The clouds teach me

com-pliancy…

resiliency…

how to yield gently to  outside pressure

without losing my beauty…

my peace…

my integrity of being…

Meditation on a Rainy Day

watching the river flow

watching the river flow

Perhaps today I will just sit and watch the river flow…

here in the warmth and safety of my sacred space

watching Ochun flow lazily twenty stories below.

She rolls calmly,

sensually

upriver…

taking her time…

refusing to be rushed by the blustering winds and

beating rain

that try to hurry her along.

So peacefully she flows…

self-contained joy in motion.

Yes.

Today I shall just sit and commune with my

Sister, Ochun.

Perhaps tomorrow I shall fill these pages with her

secret

whisperings…

My Love Team and I…

It felt so good

reaching out this weekend

to touch

those

whom

I

love…

All of my “sister-friends”

and male counterparts who are

animus to my anima

Strong beings of like spirit

indomitable warriors

who never give up or lose hope…

Women and men who have learned from life

that morning always follows night

that rainbows appear

after the most frightening of storms…

that new life follows

the bloody, backbreaking,

vagina-tearing pain of

childbirth…

I am so grateful for this love-team…

some of us having

looked major, boogie-men killers:

like cancer…strokes..heart attacks

straight in the eye–

defying self and societal conditioning–

making the so-called, killer,

blink first…

And now, my love-team and I

march on through Life

persevering and steadfast

laughing, dancing, dreaming, drumming…earning doctorate degrees

taking on new lovers

Never looking back…

oblivious to our contemporaries

who fall by the wayside

brought down by their belief

in sickness and

old

    age…

Awakening…Gratitude…

awakening…

It began with guilt. I could not summon up the energy–the will–to go out into this oppressive,  New York-in-August-heat to visit my ninety-two year old; “Alzheimer-ed” mother.

I do wish to do right by her instead of just being what she deserves–what she has sown.

Found myself forgiving her–again–for all of those things real and imagined that I’m still holding against her thus preventing the full influx of God Power.

I forgive you, mother. God forgives you. Forgive yourself and thus release your troubled soul–freeing it to journey back HOME where we shall surely meet again.

And in the next lifetime–should there be another lifetime for each or either of us–let us come together in peace, tolerance and love…

I release us both  from all that came before this awakening…

I release us to the Love of God.

celebration of gratitude…

I am so thankful that I am not the boss of this life

The I that I AM takes back control from the frightened, conditioned Ego…

This Ego that refuses to accept…to submit to Something Higher than Itself…

This Ego that has assigned Itself the role of directing  human consciousness

This Ego Who, with false Pride and Iron Hand maintains the illusion of personal control

 

Good-bye Pride…

Adios, Ego…

I bid you both adieu

As I bow down before

The Anointed One

Whom I am here to serve

As holy instrument and

Divine vehicle of Love…

An unsullied vessel through which

peace, light and healing may flow…

Blessing this life I call mine

Plus the lives of all…

In and out of the flesh

Whose energy touches mine

 

I hereby release all the deceptions, fear-based beliefs and

Conditioning of this world as I slowly and gratefully awaken to

Truth and Reality

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