one woman's journey to wholeness…

Archive for the ‘death’ Category

Season Of Death And Rebirth…

Under the Love & Protection of La Virgen Madre – Window Altar Arrangement & Photograph by Toni Roberts

Todayas I sat at my altar…

Deep in meditation

I heard a Voice echoing from within:

IT’S CLEAN OUT TIME

And…although I shuddered at what I knew was to come…

I answered…bravely:

Do with me as YOU will…

For I am finally ready after these many years…

To begin living the life I came “here-now” to live…

 

Then came the realization

Something within inow deaduselessblocking further growth

The time has come to get rid of it’s rotting carcassto provide space

an inner emptiness…in which new life can take rootgrow strong and ultimately blossom into Springtime

I am ready…I whispered…show me the way and the what to be rid of…

How do I make ready the space in which new life can take seed and blossom?

Show me the waymoment by moment…thought by thought...word by worddeed by deedstep by step

As I walk with trepidation…this dark road

Guided solely by Your Faint Light

Show…

Me…

The…

Way

Aṣe!

 

http://toniroberts.imagekind.com

http://www.fineartamerica.com/artist/toni+roberts

http://www.cafepress.com/DaughtersofGaia

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Feeling Melancholy…Feeling My Boy…

view grandfather 016

Storm Clouds Over The Sound – Photo by Toni Roberts

 

cloudy

foggy

misty

beautiful

 

the kind of day

my

beloved grandson

preferred…

 

reflections

of his

state of being

 

what a shame he cannot be

here-now

 with his

Nana…

 

sharing the

glory

of

being

   human

 

feeling melancholy…

 feeling my boy…

 

 

More:

http://www.fineartamerica.com/artist/toni+roberts

https://www.facebook.com/gaiadaughters

 

Thinking About Love Again Today…

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Skyline: Hutchinson River & Long Island Sound – Photo by Toni Roberts

wondering why our love was not enough to keep

beloved grandson

here

in this

   flesh life

came to the  realization

that human love is simply not enough

to keep the

soul

wedded

to

human flesh

for without that

   Essential Ingredient

that everlasting influx of

   LOVE…

of the

DIVINE KIND…

these flesh suits we wear are merely

empty

sacks

of

meaningless

   protoplasm

Toni Roberts’ art and photography may be viewed and purchased at:

http://www.fineartamerica/toniroberts

http://toniroberts.imagekind.com

http://www.facebook.com/designsbytoniroberts

In Celebration Of The Winter Solstice…Season of Death And Re-birth…

2nd-set-davin-collage-4-21-15-038

The Davin Collage: Journey to Manhood; A Visual Portrait of the Life of Davin Adonis Roberts by His Grandmother, Toni Roberts

 

If parents are not supposed to lose children

Then grandparents

Sure as

Hell

Should not have to lose a grandchild!

As I’ve lost my

Beloved Davin

   But…

You know what?

This is life in a human-created world

And in a human-created world

SHIT HAPPENS

And so today

As I sit here in celebration of my

78th Year

In this human-created world

I turn my attention from

Death

To the Re-birth theme of this

Holy Season

And to the welcoming of my

New grandchild

Who has chosen to enter this world on

The day of Her Nana’s Birth!

Tis’ indeed

A Time of Letting Go

As I welcome New Life into the Family…

   Anyway…who knows?

LIFE

   Is very tricky sometimes…

   Perhaps…

   Just…perhaps…

The arrival of my new

Beloved

On the day of my own birth

is a sign from my

Dearly Departed

that

   He’s back…

  

I Am Learning To Lean Into…

Awakening; Artwork and Photo by Toni Roberts

Awakening; Artwork and Photo by Toni Roberts

the

    pain…   

to fully

feel

   grief...

   sadness...

to let it

wash

through

   me

leaving me

   cleansed

   purified

Toni Roberts’ Artwork and Photography are available at:

http://www.cafepress.com/DaughtersofGaia

http://www.cafepress.com/orishatreasures

http://www.fineartamerica.com/art/all/toni+roberts/all

http://toniroberts.imagekind.com

On Death By Suicide…

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River…Post-Davin; photo by Toni Roberts; copyright 2016

the loss of my beloved grandson

who last month

at the tender age of twenty-one

exercised

free will

his by divine right

and chose to exit this world quickly…

via a bullet to the head...

Got me thinking about

death by suicide…

and how all humans leave this realm

via death by suicide

   consciously…by their own hand

or unconsciously…

blaming their leave-taking on Fate or “God…”

forgetting that we are all creatures of

free will

   and that nothing

not even death is imposed upon us by some

mysterious all-powerful Force

It is we who knowingly or unknowingly

create these painful, ghastly, unimaginable  dis-eases

that debilitate and devour our our bodies

system by system…

organ by organ…

in a slow death by suicide...

Indeed…by the use or misuse of free will…

all death is by our daily decisions and choices

although my heart breaks at the thought of the degree of unendurable psychic pain

that drove my beloved to so quickly end this earthly sojourn…

this shared here-now…

I grant him his right of

conscious exercise of 

free-will…

And I here-now bless the Essence of the boy-man I so loved

on Its continued journey

Spent All Day Photographing The River And…

river 1 16 16 068

Photo by Toni Roberts 1/16/16

   weeping...

releasing deep pain

I didn’t know remained

      within

river 1 16 16 081

Photo by Toni Roberts 1/16/16

probably brushing it aside

in prayer and meditation

   whenever it came up…

as if the release of psychic pain

   is not an ongoing job…

river 1 16 16 046

Photo by Toni Roberts 1/16/16

   and so…

I have given myself this entire week

   OFF…

Saturday to Saturday

vacation

retreat

seclusion

no business

   no telephone calls…

river 1 16 16 092

Photo by Toni Roberts 1/16/16

 

   just the

   river

   my

   tears…

and

this profound sense of

   mourning

for whom?

or what?

   can’t name it…

   only know that a part of me…

a

heavy load

I’ve carried deep within my heart

since the beginning of

   memory

   can now be released…

during this week of

vacation

retreat

   letting go...

this week of

   death…

and

    dying things

On Death…Dying…And Diseases Of Old Age…

Stock Photo

Stock Photo

as I reach another fork in the road

it occurs to me that

old age…aging…

diseases of old age

   and all that

   stuff

are mere

illusions

of

collective human creation

and although it saddens me

to lose beloved friends and lifelong companions who

one by one

are buying into to the

   myth…

   I refuse to follow them…

and thus

I find myself

alone

and once again at

   another fork in the road...

   do I go left…

joining my loved ones

who now drag worn and tired bodies

down the known paths of:

old age…disease…death

or

do I veer right

only to find myself once again

treading the

lonely dark path

of

the unknown

with only

hope

prayer

faith

and

trust in the invisible

to light my way to

continued health

vigor

ceaseless renewal

beauty

peace

endless creativity

and the

ultimate fulfillment

of my

purpose

in

   being

Toni Roberts’ Artwork and Photography May Be Viewed & Purchased at:

 http://www.cafepress.com/DaughtersofGaia

http://www.cafepress.com/orishatreasures

http://www.fineartamerica.com/art/all/toni+roberts/all

http://toniroberts.imagekind.com

Meditation On Diseases Of Old Age…Death & Dying…

Grandmother Tree; Central Park, NYC; Photo by Toni Roberts

Grandmother Tree; Central Park, NYC; Photo by Toni Roberts

 

It occurs to me that

Death

As a human condition

   Is self-determined

That we each reach a period in Time

   Some sooner than others…

   When we cease to dream

Cease to re-imagine ourselves more wondrous…

   We cease to believe…

   For whatever reasons…

That we can manifest our deepest dreams and desires

   In this lifetime…

We cease to imagine ourselves greater

We cease creating and re-creating

Self and Life

Indeed, we surrender the belief in our ability to

So do

Via the agency of human imagination…

And thus

On some deep level of being

We surrender this

Life

Body

Mind

And gradually

   Organ by organ…

   In a process we name disease…

The body breaks down as the

Soul

Prepares to take flight

To another Time of Being

To another Here-Now

Where it continues its journey of

Evolution

to

Eternal

Lightness of

   Being…

Join me. Come out as a Daughter of Gaia!

http://www.wordpress.com/DaughtersofGaia

http://www.wordpress.com/orishatreasures

Farewell to Ayanna Guyhto…My Beloved Niece…

Yana and bijou 2012They took my beloved Ayanna off of life support today. The body is slowly shutting down. I can no longer say her body because I sense her soul has already returned to the Meeting Place: that SpaceTime wherein we make our plans for the next excursion to flesh bodies

I weep–not for my beloved–for she is free

I weep for myself

For the heavy ache of her absence

I weep for the loss of that bubbly personality…

And the shared jokes that only she and I got

I am already missing the Emails…

And the telephone conversations

In which we dared to reveal to one another

Parts of ourselves ordinarily kept hidden

I miss the easy going intimacy we shared…

And the trust

You hold a piece of my heart baby-girl…

And I will always treasure the part of you

That you left behind…as memories

I will always treasure the uniqueness of the daughter-from-another-mother relationship we shared in this go-round as spirits-in-flesh. And although I so look forward to our reunion on the Other Side, I am in no hurry to leave this crazy Third-Dimension that we both so thoroughly enjoy. I will continue drumming my ass off every Saturday–hoping the reverberations reach all the way to Wherever you are. I will walk my mile a day–take my supplements and eat organic–in the care of this holy temple.  I will continue plunging fully into the exquisite joy of living. I will squeeze every drop of Love that I can–into each day–just as you did–beloved baby-girl–

Niece…daughter of my heart

I bid you adieu, sweet one…A Dios…See ya’…

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