one woman's journey to wholeness…

Archive for the ‘death of a grandchild’ Category

Let Us Lay Our Collective Pain At The Altar Of Love…

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Altar of Love – Photograph by Toni Roberts

This Path I’ve chosen to walk is indeed, a “straight and narrow “one!

No longer can I stray onto the familiar side streets of anger and sarcasm: my old defenses…my old way of covering up hurt, disappointment, or emotional pain. All of those feelings that strong “Black” women (and women of any hue…truly…) have been conditioned to swallow. From childhood we become experts in covering up…in camouflaging our emotional pain. We swallow it until we are choking with a rage and anger that must be released lest we burst into a million pieces.

***

I have learned to take ‘time out” when I feel that inner volcano getting ready to explode. I then explore what lies below the rage. Ultimately, I discover hurt feelings or suppressed emotional pain. I then give myself permission to be human and vulnerable without the shame of feeling weak.  I allow my heart to hold both pain and righteous anger. For each is both justified and valid. I then lay them both at the Altar of Mother WisdomLady Peace…and Sister Harmony.

***

Ultimately, words of wisdomlovecompassionunderstandingforgiveness and kindness…begin to flow into consciousness; words that wash away any residue of pain or anger that might still lay hidden in the secret recesses of my heart.  Thus, instead of wounding words born of anger, my response becomes a healing balm to the heart of whoever wounded me. For underneath the attacker’s anger and harsh words or actions was her/his own hidden pain. For s/he too has been acculturated just as I; and has learned that it is safer to go into attack mode than to show the weakness of one’s human vulnerability.

***

It’s time to break this vicious cycle. Let us be courageous enough to feel our painindividual and collective. Let us weep together. Let us acknowledge to ourselves and to each other our human fears and vulnerabilities. Let us stop and think before uttering those hurtful words or otherwise inflicting pain upon each other.

Let us lay our collective pain at the Altar of Love.

(copyright: 2019 – Toni Roberts)

 

http://toniroberts.imagekind.com

http://www.fineartamerica.com/artist/toni+roberts

https://www.facebook.com/gaiadaughters

 

 

 

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Feeling Melancholy…Feeling My Boy…

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Storm Clouds Over The Sound – Photo by Toni Roberts

 

cloudy

foggy

misty

beautiful

 

the kind of day

my

beloved grandson

preferred…

 

reflections

of his

state of being

 

what a shame he cannot be

here-now

 with his

Nana…

 

sharing the

glory

of

being

   human

 

feeling melancholy…

 feeling my boy…

 

 

More:

http://www.fineartamerica.com/artist/toni+roberts

https://www.facebook.com/gaiadaughters

 

In Celebration Of The Winter Solstice…Season of Death And Re-birth…

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The Davin Collage: Journey to Manhood; A Visual Portrait of the Life of Davin Adonis Roberts by His Grandmother, Toni Roberts

 

If parents are not supposed to lose children

Then grandparents

Sure as

Hell

Should not have to lose a grandchild!

As I’ve lost my

Beloved Davin

   But…

You know what?

This is life in a human-created world

And in a human-created world

SHIT HAPPENS

And so today

As I sit here in celebration of my

78th Year

In this human-created world

I turn my attention from

Death

To the Re-birth theme of this

Holy Season

And to the welcoming of my

New grandchild

Who has chosen to enter this world on

The day of Her Nana’s Birth!

Tis’ indeed

A Time of Letting Go

As I welcome New Life into the Family…

   Anyway…who knows?

LIFE

   Is very tricky sometimes…

   Perhaps…

   Just…perhaps…

The arrival of my new

Beloved

On the day of my own birth

is a sign from my

Dearly Departed

that

   He’s back…

  

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