one woman's journey to wholeness…

Archive for the ‘conversations with god’ Category

“Altared” States Five…

“altared” states…

As I sit here daily

“altared” at my altar

I am discovering that there is, indeed, Something here in my heart

that responds to me intelligently and oh, so lovingly

as I push valiantly along this path of no signs.

I have  HELPERS  as real as you and I…

whose words of wisdom and truth

keep me faith-filled and grounded:

God is in charge.

The only sane choice ever…in all matters…is to wait for God to act first.

Keep your focus off of that which you desire.

Turn your attention ever-inward to the Christ Indwelling…

to that “Place” within from which True Life and all Being unfolds.

Remember–you are only a vessel…an instrument…

the vehicle and not the driver…the clay and not the sculptor.

 In this endlessly unfolding human drama…

you are neither playwright nor director…

you are merely an actor…and a bit part player, at that. 

 When you can be perfectly at peace with these Truths of your being…

when you are able to “chop wood and haul water” with joy and gratitude

for being so privileged as to be so used by the Creator

then and only then will you experience peace beyond understanding and

yeah, that kind of rich” abundance.

Remove your attention from the world of form and

keep it glued to the Power which underlies

all that you see.

I  thank you, my Inner TeachersAspects of my Greater Self.

I pledge to You the same faithfulness and constancy that you show me

day by day, step by step as I move prayerfully and cautiously through this  life.

And although I cannot see, touch or hear you with my physical senses

I know that You are indeed, with me always

in all ways.

I know beyond a shadow of doubt

that as I continue seeking the “kingdom” within…

all else shall be added unto me.

Ashe.

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“Altared” At My Altar On A Number Seven Day…Incoming Message…

Today is a number seven day…

a day of surrender to the Source of your being.

This is a very propitious time…

with much going on in the lives of those connected to you…

You must remain anchored in Spirit

Allow your God to be you…

to guide your every thought…every action…

every step you take and

word you speak.

Remember–your only job is to

keep on loving and to use your human will to

maintain conscious connection to

The Great Mystery

Let It do the Work

inas…and through you…

from the inside out…

Reflections On A Rainy Day…

reflections…

I am here to serve by being

I am part of an ongoing, ever-unfolding and expanding Creation

The more I quiet the intensity

of my human desires…

the more my will becomes one with the

Will of God

I owe God the proper upkeep of this body

and in order to do so

I must avail myself of every human means

until the body falls under the complete control of the Godhead

via

the indwelling Christ

at which time

the body is re-formed, re-newed and maintained

without interruption

I am here to serve as a

Woman-of-God...

Awakening…Gratitude…

awakening…

It began with guilt. I could not summon up the energy–the will–to go out into this oppressive,  New York-in-August-heat to visit my ninety-two year old; “Alzheimer-ed” mother.

I do wish to do right by her instead of just being what she deserves–what she has sown.

Found myself forgiving her–again–for all of those things real and imagined that I’m still holding against her thus preventing the full influx of God Power.

I forgive you, mother. God forgives you. Forgive yourself and thus release your troubled soul–freeing it to journey back HOME where we shall surely meet again.

And in the next lifetime–should there be another lifetime for each or either of us–let us come together in peace, tolerance and love…

I release us both  from all that came before this awakening…

I release us to the Love of God.

celebration of gratitude…

I am so thankful that I am not the boss of this life

The I that I AM takes back control from the frightened, conditioned Ego…

This Ego that refuses to accept…to submit to Something Higher than Itself…

This Ego that has assigned Itself the role of directing  human consciousness

This Ego Who, with false Pride and Iron Hand maintains the illusion of personal control

 

Good-bye Pride…

Adios, Ego…

I bid you both adieu

As I bow down before

The Anointed One

Whom I am here to serve

As holy instrument and

Divine vehicle of Love…

An unsullied vessel through which

peace, light and healing may flow…

Blessing this life I call mine

Plus the lives of all…

In and out of the flesh

Whose energy touches mine

 

I hereby release all the deceptions, fear-based beliefs and

Conditioning of this world as I slowly and gratefully awaken to

Truth and Reality

On Becoming a Wise-Woman…

a view from my window altar…

Just sitting here at my window altar drinking in the beauty of this late summer afternoon. Thinking about what these times of personal adversity are teaching me. I am becoming a Wise-Woman…am being tempered by life.

Am learning that a Wise-Woman accepts what is and goes within for shelter…guidance…security…fulfillment. In the midst of pain and adversity, she remembers who she is and Whom she has come to serve.

She recognizes her dark nights of the soul and accepts them with peace and tranquility in her heart…knowing that this too has come to pass

contemplation…

A Wise-Woman depends upon her faith to see her through…regardless of how small and meager that faith may be.

She understands that solutions are not to be found in the madness of the external world but in the silence of her heart…

She knows that regardless of how difficult circumstances become, she must remain cheerful and upbeat…”laughing in the Devil‘s face.”

evening falls…

A Wise-Woman remembers that Her Holy Husband Which Art In Heaven…the Other Side of Who She Is …is more powerful than any danger in the  apparent world.

She knows that if she allows her spirit to be broken by life…she will surely die. And so adversity may bend her but she never breaks.

Through it all, the Wise-Woman maintains that inner Light…that tiny, mustard seed of faith…knowing that she shall rise again–reborn…renewed…reformed from the ashes of her dead self…and outmoded ways of being in the world

In times of adversity a Wise-Woman shuts her mouth and clings to her God

A Little Birdie Told Me…

a little birdie told me…

A little birdie–or maybe it wasn’t a little birdie–

but a big-ass pigeon–

landed on my windowsill this morning;

a brazen, little beast was he.

He didn’t shy–or fly away when I came up to the window–

but stood his ground.

“Hey, pigeon,” I asked,

“What message did you come to deliver to me?”

I then sat

in silence

before the window

and listened.

Sure enough, after a long silent while

my Messenger Pigeon began to speak:

“Slow down. Be cool fool. Chill Mill. You are on a journey of evolution. This is a process of becoming. I know, nothing is going your way. None of the things, events, circumstances for which you lust are manifesting. You must understand that NO THING that is not in alignment with your Divine Purposecan manifest.  You have already committed to The One. You’ve already turned over…surrendered the remainder of this incarnation to That Which Caused you–as you know yourself–into being. Period.

“You are AT-ONE. The Atonement is complete; solid. We are here and you are aware of our Presence.

“Fear not. That is your last stumbling block: Fear.  But as We continue demonstrating to you in the world of form–that so mesmerizes you who are caught up in the human drama-myth of separation–that there is NO THING TO FEAR FOR WE ARE WITH YOU–the fear will dissipate. It will lose its hold on your mind as your belief in the validity of the 3-D-world-of-form begins to loosen its stronghold on your mind.

“Take five, my dear! Give yourself a break. Rest. Back-off. Relax. Let. Allow. Relinquish that false sense of control.

“I’m off now, Dearie. Got a few more messages to deliver before returning HOME.

“Don’t you be jealous, now, dear child. One day, you too will be flying HOME. However, for now, you’ve got work to do…wood to chopwater to haul…all of it sacred work.”

A Conversation with Disease


    A Conversation with Disease

A very dear friend of mine has been suffering from a very painful, increasingly debilitating disease for many, many years now. We talked on the telephone earlier today and after we hung up, I was struck by how creaky and unstable her voice sounded. I could no longer hear or feel any power behind it. Has she given her power to the disease I thought—thinking about how much of her conversation these days is filled with talk about the disease and its effect on her body and life—and now she and the disease appeared to be locked in a battle for both.

It has been my personal experience that disease thrives on attention and negative energies such as anger and hatred—as in the emotions generated with an action or even a thought such as: I’m going to kill you. The disease most often will dig in deeper with: Oh, yeah, just try it and see who wins this battle, you jerk.

I then imagined myself, in her stead, in conversation with her disease and asked of it: What do you want of me? Why are you here? Who created you? The floodgate opened:

You’re the one who created me. You’re the one who can’t face the shadow aspects of your own psyche; those qualities within self that one projects onto the other. Yeah, you loved me, nurtured me, pampered and babied me until I grew up. Now that I have power of my own and am just beginning to enjoy this life you gave me, you want to get rid of me. Well, fat chance. I don’t care how many chemicals you pour into your body to poison and kill me. I’m stronger than any of them. They cannot create that garbage fast enough in their labs; and whatever they come up with, I’ll beat the crap out of it. And any traces that are left alive will turn around and kill your organs, tissues, cells…right down to your DNA. You cannot beat me in battle.

 There is one way, however, that you can uncreate me. And I am so sure you’re not going to do it—can’t do it—that I’m going to come right out and tell you how:

  All you have to do is own that part of yourself, the existence of which—you are unaware.

And that’s what my friend’s disease said to me when I began to question it in her stead.

A Healing Mini-Vacation in Central Park

the hypnotic beauty of water...

I’ve been held house-prisoner for so many weeks this summer by the heat. Can’t take it. Yesterday was not as bad as it had been so I took advantage of being able to once again breathe outdoors, jumped on the express bus to Manhattan and headed to one of my most favorite places in the world: Central Park! Of course, with camera in-hand! Oh, the beauty of a day in Central Park. Made me feel grateful just to be alive and fortunate enough to have access to acres and acres of natural beauty just a bus ride away. It was a mini-vacation. Do enjoy my “vacation” photos!

lunch at the boathouse...

Who needs to pack a bag, jump on plane and travel to distant shores with such peace and beauty as this,  just a bus ride away? I was surprised at how few “inner city” New Yorkers take advantage of the Park.

 

 

 

Even the tunnels are exquisite works of art!

Fifth Avenue skyline...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Looking east above the trees at the Fifth Avenue skyline…the beauty of it takes one’s breath…

 

 

 

 

the castle...

 

 

Belvedere Castle set against the bluest, clearest most beautiful background “painted” by the Master!

You can see more photographs from my day in Central Park at http://www.rightstockphotos.com/view_photog.php?photogid=15

Enjoy!

Hard Lessons of This Path

new horizons...

Journal Entry: July 25, 2011

Hard Lessons of This Path I’ve Chosen to Tread

I find myself at a place of great struggle to continue to submit my human will to Divine Will or the Will of Something that is greater than my needy, greedy, fearful, and filled with earthly desires human will. It ain’t easy! But then, “they” say if the Path were easy, more would tread it—or something like that. This Path I’ve chosen is one of isolation, fear and doubt yet Something keeps me pushing forward towards the Light. There is now present an inner certainty that has moved beyond mere belief into a deep visceral knowing.

I am learning to use consciousness—my mind—my thinking, reasoning capabilities. That has been my major weak point. I have always moved directly from the realm of emotions and feelings into action. God-forbid my allowing my mind or powers of reasoning to intervene. I now find myself able to maintain that state of Divine Tension: that period of extreme discomfort while waiting in the void; in the emptiness and uncertainty that precedes acting from the highest wisdom and love.

I find myself somewhat of a participating observer in what is still—surprisingly—very much my life. In fact, this changing life that I am living becomes daily more of a reflection of my deepest heart and will. I am increasingly more able to release everyday concerns and fears; to release this beingness that I am to the in-breath—the inhalation of Life—and then allowing—the out-breath—the exhalation to become the forms, events and experiences of everyday existence.

I am having to accept that I am not in charge of what is being created through my human beingness. Nor am I in a position to see—to even guess the who? When? Why? Where? And how? of the path unfolding before me. I tread a path of patience, perseverance and continued learning at the inner Altar of Knowledge.

I am finding that this great Purpose which moves me to action is of far greater importance in the overall scheme of things than my individual plans, needs and desires. I am devoted to this Purpose, this Calling of mind/Mind, heart/Heart and will/Will to a higher vibratory level of being. I will follow It in the midst of all and any human circumstances, challenges and difficulties. The glamour of the third dimension is losing its allure. I stand at the brink of a new way of being human.

Journal Entry: July 22, 2011

Arise...

Journal Entry: July 22, 2011

The temperature index range today is 106 to 112 degrees, so I know where my ass will be for the second day in a row. It’s even too hot at night to go out walking. Guess I’ll continue cleaning the apartment for exercise. I’ll walk around the house a lot—like my mother used to do—from room to room all night long. What a mad woman and no one to help her. All she had was her job and her money—that was her Savior.

I do have compassion for her now. How great her suffering must have been all of her life—from the age of eight. And no useful help; not the rich inner life that I have always had or trained outside help like psychotherapy; or the many support groups from whom I’ve benefitted through the years. I spent most of my adult life first recognizing, then accepting and owning my wounds; and then finally doing something about them. I still am involved in what appears to be a lifelong process of healing and growth. This very act of journal writing is part of “doing the work,” clearing the passageway; purifying the vehicle the instrument through which the Creation continues to unfold…

I am so grateful for this sacred time in which to turn one hundred percent of my attention…my life energy…to my passions; to the callings of my heart. I have ceased the years-long writing and re-writing of my novel. I have kissed the ghosts of those old characters good-bye and have moved on. I completed a short story; the first in more than twenty years. I’ve entered my writing and photography into competition and am actively researching online markets for my completed short story—the first of many lined up in consciousness waiting to be heard and told.

I now give very little of my attention and energy to the never-ending stream of events, circumstances and people in my external world. I am alive again. I am free. I am blessed. I am aware of being part of a world in healing; of a reversal of human focus and expenditure of energy. I am consciously connected to the One Energy—which, I am learning is a powerful, benevolent, intelligent creative force available to everyone to be used as one chooses. It comes down to the one choice we humans have—whether or not we realize it—and that sole choice is between “God and the mammon”Spirit or FleshInner or Outer

Finally (or is it once again!), I find myself at that crossroad of choice and I make the only intelligent choice. This time I’m sticking to it!

May the Force be with my Bertha butt!

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