one woman's journey to wholeness…

Archive for the ‘childhood scars’ Category

“Rainy Days & Sundays…”

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Rainy…River…Day; Photo by Toni Roberts

 

Nothing like a rainy day to turn one’s attention inward…

I was sitting here at my window altar

Exploring

Heart

   Soul…

and

Consciousness

When I uncovered tiny pockets of

Anger

Sadness

and

Rage

   That remained

Hidden

Within the dark recesses of my being…

   Buried…

   Stinking…

SHIT

Some of it dating back to childhood

   (And we all know how long ago that was!)…

Oh, how well I know

and remember

How

Unexpressed

Anger

Sadness

and

Rage

   Can…

   Will…

Eventually manifest in the

Flesh

as

   Disease…

And so…

On this rainy day

I got busy with the necessary

   Inner Work

Scrubbing

Cleansing

Mopping up

Vacuuming

Clearing

and

Cleaning out

The tons of stinking…festering…rotting

   SHIT…

I unloaded every speck that I could find of that

Inner Garbage

So that I may walk

Free

Clear

Light

   Unburdened

By yesterday’s pain

   Into tomorrow’s sunshine

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Spent All Day Photographing The River And…

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Photo by Toni Roberts 1/16/16

   weeping...

releasing deep pain

I didn’t know remained

      within

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Photo by Toni Roberts 1/16/16

probably brushing it aside

in prayer and meditation

   whenever it came up…

as if the release of psychic pain

   is not an ongoing job…

river 1 16 16 046

Photo by Toni Roberts 1/16/16

   and so…

I have given myself this entire week

   OFF…

Saturday to Saturday

vacation

retreat

seclusion

no business

   no telephone calls…

river 1 16 16 092

Photo by Toni Roberts 1/16/16

 

   just the

   river

   my

   tears…

and

this profound sense of

   mourning

for whom?

or what?

   can’t name it…

   only know that a part of me…

a

heavy load

I’ve carried deep within my heart

since the beginning of

   memory

   can now be released…

during this week of

vacation

retreat

   letting go...

this week of

   death…

and

    dying things

Obstacles To Surrender…

Photo by Toni Roberts; "Childhood Memories"

Photo by Toni Roberts; “Childhood Memories”

 

Mistrust

Disbelief

Need to control

Envy

Addictions

Insecurity

Avarice

Anger

Resentment

Rage

And on…

And on…

And on…

All

Children of a

Fear-filled 

Ego

That will not accept

Its

Role

and

Purpose

As

Servant to

Cosmic Laws

Beyond the grasp of ordinary

Human

Consciousness

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