Instead of drumming this Saturday, I spent quiet time at my window altar–with the river.
Rising above the chatter of my “monkey brain,” I sat in the peaceful silence of my rain-washed world–listening within:
This drumming, my dear–just like the words that you write–comes through you. You, the ego-personality, are not the owner of your creative productions. The words, and sounds come through you from a Source that also determines the why, what, when, where and how of it all.
Do not attempt to order your gifts; trying to determine whence they come and go.
Life is not yours to order. It is yours to remain open, receptive and in service to That Which lies behind, beneath, above and at each side of all form.
You are learning to understand–and more importantly–to accept and live a reality which is the only authentic Reality there is.
It is a process of opening the heart in trust and releasing the pain you did not know was there.
It is truly living from the inside out: letting your 3-D world unfold in, as and through you; bypassing the ego.
It is not the human way of being.
It is a process of “un-conditioning” the mind.
Have patience with yourself.
I am with you.
We are with you.
I’m at my window altar in a state of gratitude: I have a roof over my head; central air-conditioning; good food in my belly; clean, oxygenated water to drink; supplements, fresh fruit; organic chicken wings thawing out in the kitchen for the meal I’ll prepare when I get hungry again. Does it get any better? Can it get any better in this one moment of peace and fulfillment of my immediate needs?
Perhaps that is precisely what I need to learn by practice: staying in the NOW–in the one and only moment in which I am acutely aware of having all that I need for fullness of contentment and joy. If I move one second–one millimeter “ahead” into a “future,”I then experience deprivation…lack...being in need of…
So…therefore…if my sense of lack…of not having my needs met…is experienced only when I allow my mind/imagination to wander from the PRESENT NOW MOMENT into a “future time“: a non-three-dimensional space-time that only exists in my mind-imagination, then, the very sense of lack or need that I experience is too an illusion…as illusionary as the non-existent future created by my mental projections.
And so, today I make a conscious choice to discipline my mind-imagination, keeping it focused in the HERE-NOW; for the HERE-NOW is the only reality of existence. I now choose to maintain a constant “frame of mind” that is focused on inner listening…on the goings-on of the internal world. It takes an almost superhuman effort to resist the fascination…the addiction to what is happening in the external world. It is with great effort that I will remain vigilant, roping in my forever wandering mind-imagination and returning it Home.
I am beginning to get a sense of how the mind-imagination…human consciousness–individually and collectively– creates a whole “universe” outside of where we truly exist…
There’s more to come…I sense it just at the border…
Journal Entry: July 25, 2011
Hard Lessons of This Path I’ve Chosen to Tread
I find myself at a place of great struggle to continue to submit my human will to Divine Will or the Will of Something that is greater than my needy, greedy, fearful, and filled with earthly desires human will. It ain’t easy! But then, “they” say if the Path were easy, more would tread it—or something like that. This Path I’ve chosen is one of isolation, fear and doubt yet Something keeps me pushing forward towards the Light. There is now present an inner certainty that has moved beyond mere belief into a deep visceral knowing.
I am learning to use consciousness—my mind—my thinking, reasoning capabilities. That has been my major weak point. I have always moved directly from the realm of emotions and feelings into action. God-forbid my allowing my mind or powers of reasoning to intervene. I now find myself able to maintain that state of Divine Tension: that period of extreme discomfort while waiting in the void; in the emptiness and uncertainty that precedes acting from the highest wisdom and love.
I find myself somewhat of a participating observer in what is still—surprisingly—very much my life. In fact, this changing life that I am living becomes daily more of a reflection of my deepest heart and will. I am increasingly more able to release everyday concerns and fears; to release this beingness that I am to the in-breath—the inhalation of Life—and then allowing—the out-breath—the exhalation to become the forms, events and experiences of everyday existence.
I am having to accept that I am not in charge of what is being created through my human beingness. Nor am I in a position to see—to even guess the who? When? Why? Where? And how? of the path unfolding before me. I tread a path of patience, perseverance and continued learning at the inner Altar of Knowledge.
I am finding that this great Purpose which moves me to action is of far greater importance in the overall scheme of things than my individual plans, needs and desires. I am devoted to this Purpose, this Calling of mind/Mind, heart/Heart and will/Will to a higher vibratory level of being. I will follow It in the midst of all and any human circumstances, challenges and difficulties. The glamour of the third dimension is losing its allure. I stand at the brink of a new way of being human.