one woman's journey to wholeness…

perseverance...

 

Hanging On a Meat Rack in Hell

My last blog? February 2, 2012. And where have I been for more than a month? Hanging on a meat rack in hell!! Closeted away with all of my hidden fears, shadow selves and yucky, dark ugliness hidden in the corners of my heart. Face to face with my denials. The walls of all my false assumptions and constructs ruthlessly ripped down…exposing me to rooms within the temple of my being, of whose existence I was totally ignorant. Every ugly, feared circumstance and event bursting onto the stage of my life with a vengeance. Challenges at every turn. Dumb, blind, disabled.

But I hung on. I persevered, clinging steadfastly to that invisible hand that reached out to me from nowhere. I followed the path of my two feet as I moved blindly along in the darkness—sensing by faith alone the light before me. I refused to let that fundamental Fear which inhabits the very gut of humanity shake me loose from the Truth of my Being. And thus, I have walked out of hell back into the light of this glorious, pre-spring afternoon. Once again, I am free. I step gingerly into a new phase of this process of initiation. I move step by careful step…day by day back out into the world created by humanity. Ever cautious of remaining in it but not of it.

My journey to the underworld was not without great lessons and benefits. I now know without a doubt and from personal experience and not hearsay, that as long as this human-ego-personality-self continues to move through this third-dimensional realm totally committed to the authentic Driver of this flesh vehicle; with my heart and will surrendered to the Oars-Woman who rows this boat down the river of life—this life of mine shall unfold smoothly—from the inside out—with fewer side trips to Hades.

It is also becoming crystal clear that the hell in which I found myself hanging was created by my own thoughts and emotions. I am seeing that we create our individual and collective hells from an invisible, mysterious, obedient to our mental and emotional demandsGod-Stuff.” As I grow in understanding and acceptance of what iswhatever it isregardless of how I perceive it—all things ultimately work out for my highest good and the highest good of all whose lives intersect with mine. What is needed from me is simply acceptance, patience and a persevering steadfastness of spirit—in the face of all fear and doubt.

And so, I move forward this day consciously generating and discharging into my world, strong waves of gratitude and love. This I do every single time I become aware of thinking a thought and/or feeling a feeling. For thought-forms and feelings (i.e., e-motions or energy-in-motion) are the building blocks of our third dimensional, human reality. Thus, I am becoming a co-creator or facilitator in what is, in essence, a Divine—for lack of another word—process or experience of being in a human form within this “space” that we’ve named planet earth.

By offering myself up as a clear, empty instrument or vessel of so-called Divine Energy, I become one with IT—separated from this humanly constructed, fear-based reality—and in a constant and conscious state of AT-ONE-MENT.

Thus I wait in patient anticipation to see what glory unfolds next in, as and through this bubble-in-the Cosmic-Soup-that “i” am.

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